Lately, we’ve been having handyman issues. I hate to complain because he’s doing the work for a song (seriously, super super cheap) but it’s a problem when both showers and two of three toilets are unusable. Actually, scratch that. The downstairs toilet is usable and the master one is….if you participated in the long jump competition in high school track.

Seriously. To use our bathroom, we literally have to get a running start and jump over where the handyman put down “mud” (whatever that is) on Tuesday, then failed to show up yesterday to get the job finished. And, bathing at home? Out of the question. Hello showers-at-the-gym-wearing-flip-flops. Bleh.

What is this handyman doing? Tiling our bathroom floors for one, because the person who lived in our house before had carpet in them. Um…hello…former-home-owner, the 70s called; they want their really-bad-even-then design aesthetic back. Also, we got a new faucet in the sink in the kitchen (yayayayayay! and….sheesh….what has my life come to, that I’m the kind of girl who’s this excited over a SINK/FAUCET?). Here it is – Ducks picked it out and I think he did an excellent job. He also did an excellent job of wrangling the handyman into installing it.

Here’s how that went:

Handyman (we’ll call him Joe): Okay, Ducks, I think we’re going to take our seventh break of the day after we “forgot to set our alarm” this morning and didn’t show up until 11 and didn’t complete the tiling in either bathroom so that you can perform basic personal hygiene functions in the comfort of your own home.

Ducks: No! You can’t leave! My wife is going to be really angry at all of us if this sink isn’t fixed today! She left orders that it HAD TO BE DONE BEFORE SHE CAME HOME (leaps in front of door to guard it from their possible escape).

Joe (in chorus with helper Pepe): Oh, no! The wrath! The horror! We’ll do it right away!

[[“Handy”men scurry away to install sink]]

At least this is how I imagined it happened, because when I returned from work, I ran into Pepe outside and he said in a very nervous voice, “Don’t worry, we’re getting that faucet put on right now. Your husband said you want it done today and we’re doing it.” To which I responded, “Oh, good, I guess he’s scared of me.” JOKING and trying to be jovial with the assistant handyman. And Pepe said in all seriousness, “Yes…he is! We’re very scared too!” Wow, my reputation (however false) precedes me.

But not scared enough to show up the next day. Or maybe too scared. Who knows? Should I bribe them to continue working?

2 responses to “Not-So-Handyman

  1. Good! That’s what you have to do. Don’t let the handyman (or other contractors) take advantage of you. The squeaky wheel gets the grease!

  2. Hey! Thanks for leaving me a comment.

    So you are in S.A? Welcome! I am happy to give out farmers market advice. My favorite one is at the Pearl Brewery on saturday mornings (9-1) It only takes up a small parking lot but there are multiple vendors for veggies, fruits, fresh bread, meat, coffee, etc. Let me know if you find any other good ones in these parts.

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