Undercover Reporter: Exposing Speciesism

I would like you all to know that I went totally undercover this morning to expose a serious issue facing our country.


Basically, it’s racism, but toward animals, specifically, the cow.

This morning before work, I decided that I needed to get one more thing for my dad — his main gifts from my sisters and I are a couple of Polo shirts and money for a new cattle trough (so that we don’t have to pick one out, having become somewhat citified in and beyond our collegiate days).

I think it’s weird to give your parents money for Christmas, because I just hate giving people money or gift cards anyway. But, I didn’t want to purchase a trough and drive it six hours on I-35, so money is the only option.

Soooo….back to the species discrimination at hand. No one sells cows. They have Teacup Piggies (which, why does anyone want to put a pig in a cup? Really?):

They have Tatt’zoos (which I find pretty disturbing, promoting tattoos and gangster-ism to young kids):

But the Walmart near my office, which was a convenient place to stop on my drive in to work, is apparently a cow-free zone. I searched and searched, almost to no avail. I had several conversations with fellow shoppers who laughed at my bovine quest. 

Finally, I found a old school farm village set with some nice little Holsteins in it. It was the only one and it was just stacked on a pallet in the corner, as if to be discarded. So I bought those silly cow toys for $6 (highway robbery).

The lesson I provide to you today, friends, is this: Cows are very nice animals. Besides being very tasty animals when made into steaks, etc., they are friendly. They like to be petted and they really enjoy eating snacks from your hand. They should not be maligned and cast out from toy world in favor of teacup piggies.

Merry Christmas Eve, ya’ll. 😉


3 responses to “Undercover Reporter: Exposing Speciesism

  1. You should come to Wisconsin…. Where there are nothing but cows everywhere. Seriously. Tell me if you want ANYTHING with a cow on it.

  2. I know I’m too late, but Chick-fil-A has its Cows of Reality 2011 calendar. I got mine a few weeks ago, and it hangs proudly on my office wall. Cows are by far my favorite animal!

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