The Masked Villain

Okay, here is a little video you must watch to truly understand this blog post.

So….. I really just wanted to get that lovely little tune stuck in your head, but it is really, actually relevant. Just take the words “baby monkey” and “riding on a pig” out, then substitute in “adult raccoon” and “hiding under a car.”

You see what we’re dealing with here. “Adult raccoon, adult raccoon….hiding under a car, adult raccoon.”

Yep. And that car would actually be Ducks’ truck. Yipes.

I had a nice, loving blog post in mind for today about how Ducks and I have been together for eight years, but I’ll have to write about that tomorrow, because our visitor from the wild has totally eclipsed that.

So, what do you do when you have a fully-grown raccoon that may or may not have rabies hanging out under a vehicle (a symptom of rabies is sluggishness, which this guy definitely has, but raccoons are also nocturnal, so that could be abother cause of the sleepiness).

We moved the truck, which did no harm to the raccoon; it just continued to hang out in the driveway. Then, this really stupid family decided to drive along, start calling the raccoon and try to feed it bread. STUPID. You don’t just start throwing food to animals of the wild. So, it climbed under their car. Then, they left and it began sunning itself in the street with an eye toward getting under my car, which is bad news because then there is no way I’m going out and driving it anywhere.

All bad news, all around. AND, did you know that animal control no longer takes any responsibility for picking up wildlife? WHERE are our tax dollars going, I ask you?! So, we’re trapped in our house by a possibly crazed raccoon named Rodolfo (I don’t know if that is actually his given name or not but that is what I am calling him).

What to do, what to do, people?! Anyone out there with wildlife expertise? The woman with the bread said she would send her husband down here with a cardboard box, to which I said, “Okay, whatever you think,” and to which I thought, “Okay, crazy, what are you doing? What, what, what are you doing?” (and if you’re not familiar with that reference, obviously you haven’t watched these videos.)

Sigh. Trapped in my home by a masked villain. What a Saturday.


12 responses to “The Masked Villain

  1. Hahahaha. Thank you for making my day two youtube videos better. According to my sister (who is an ecologist) rabbies prevalence is really rare in cities these days. So maybe you should just let the crazies box up the raccoon and do something with it? By the way, what is their plan exactly?

    • I guess they must have trapped it in their box, but they did not pick up their stray bread. In any case, it’s no longer hanging out anywhere I can see.

      Your sister is an ecologist? What an accomplished family you have!

  2. No tips, but that video just made my night!

  3. That’s really unreasonable that they won’t come for a raccoon. I remember them coming for sick birds, woodchucks and injured deer when I was little (my parents had a big wooded property and we had a lot of animal encounters)! I mean what do they expect you to do, tame and keep it?!

    We had a bunny that lived, kind of, in our apartment complex and would always hang out under our car (which, oddly enough, is a VW Rabbit, which never stopped being funny to us). Then it got cold, and… well, I don’t want to think about it.

    • I know – they said they will now only come out for dogs and cats. Seems unfair….

      We also had a bunny at one of our old apartment complexes. I thought he might be good luck – you know, like a living rabbit’s foot. But we moved, so hopefully he survived and had many bunny children. 🙂

  4. That video is freaking adorable.

    Well if those neighbors want to take care of the raccoon, let them! I wouldn’t touch a raccoon unless I was wearing body armor.

  5. I’m trying not to laugh at you… but I’m kind of laughing at you. 🙂
    Love the name Rodolfo the Raccoon. Amazing.

  6. Wait…this is Texas. There is only one way to take care of random animals and I think you know what I mean. Get yer gun!

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