Okay, Twitter friends, since the topic came up, here’s the N & L Top Ten list of the week – Top Ten Things We Don’t Want to See on Facebook (compiled over lunch a few days ago):
1) Pictures of the inside of strangers’ wombs. I am sure this is not the opinion of everyone in the world, but if we’d like to see your sonogram in real life, then, we don’t mind seeing it on Facebook. However, if we haven’t seen you since sophomore year of high school when you conceived your first out-of-wedlock child, then we don’t want to check out that second little winner you have hanging out in utero. But, perhaps that’s just us.
2) How much you love, love, love, love your significant other. Yes, they’re amazing and wonderful and so fabulous and WHAT.EV.ER. But while you’re posting that, you’re either making everyone else want to retch or you’re making them laugh at you because your significant other is not as great as you think. You can have a birthday post and an anniversary post. Anything above or beyond is just overkill, peeps.
3) Your farm, your question you answered about Sue Jones, your poker game or whatever else you’re letting infect your computer with spyware and viruses. If you do this, you immediately become hidden from my Facebook feed forevermore.
4) What your pet is doing every minute of the day. Okay, I’ll admit, I enjoy an occassional pet pic. I find pets to be adorable. I think I’m just prejudiced right now because my news feed contains the following updates:
– Pictures of pugs (cute)
– Update on how a dog is feeling in the upcoming storm
– A dog-sitting update
– A picture of a cat rolled in a blanket
– FOUR pictures of Chuck the Steer
Yeah, not kidding about that one. I’m actually stealing a pic to post here – I don’t think Chuck will mind.
5) Vaguebooking. Seriously, your life’s not that interesting. You’re being a little passive-aggressive and needy. Nothing vague about that, right? 😉
6) Writing in your baby’s voice. Your baby can’t type. So, it comes off a little bit strange when you type as if your baby has commandeered your computer. Don’t post things like “I am wearing this outfit that my Aunt Katie gave me. I want to be just like Aunt Katie. I LOVE Aunt Katie.” Just post it from yourself, not from the baby, okay?
7) Anything about your baby’s bodily functions. I don’t want you to write on your Facebook status, which then ends up on my news feed, about how gross it was to clean up your baby’s diarrhea. If it wasn’t pleasant for you to do it, it certainly isn’t pleasant for us to hear about it. Here’s a real-life example from today:
** I’m sorry if I’m coming off as a baby-hater. I actually love babies (especially one in particular, you know who you are – or at least who your mom is – K! But then, K is not guilty of these kinds of transgressions.). You guys can deride people who make way too many posts about their sports teams if you wish – I will take it in good humor.
8) Anything that says, “Repost this if….” You know, if you have a wonderful daughter, or an amazing granddaughter or a relative killed by Death Eaters in the Second Wizarding War (actually, that one was kind of funny).
9) Your tweets. Don’t be so lazy, people. Use Facebook and Twitter as separate entities (again, possibly just a personal preference!).
10) Your bragging. Keep it under control, I beg you. Remember, some of us are poor law school families. We don’t all get to take limos to dinner and drink 250-year-old champagne, then take a carriage ride behind a flying unicorn, then, to add insult to injury, go home to their petite lap giraffe.
Those of us who have to be contented with regular horses or – gasp – no horses at all may feel discontent and therefore dislike you. Seriously, people, I am number 378,805 on the petite lap giraffe waiting list. I may just die of envy.
What do you think? Agree? Disagree? Boycotting me now because this is you-to-a-T? Hope not! Please take it all with a grain of salt. 🙂