The Twitter World Asked For It…

Okay, Twitter friends, since the topic came up, here’s the N & L Top Ten list of the week – Top Ten Things We Don’t Want to See on Facebook (compiled over lunch a few days ago):

1) Pictures of the inside of strangers’ wombs. I am sure this is not the opinion of everyone in the world, but if we’d like to see your sonogram in real life, then, we don’t mind seeing it on Facebook. However, if we haven’t seen you since sophomore year of high school when you conceived your first out-of-wedlock child, then we don’t want to check out that second little winner you have hanging out in utero. But, perhaps that’s just us.

2) How much you love, love, love, love your significant other. Yes, they’re amazing and wonderful and so fabulous and WHAT.EV.ER. But while you’re posting that, you’re either making everyone else want to retch or you’re making them laugh at you because your significant other is not as great as you think. You can have a birthday post and an anniversary post. Anything above or beyond is just overkill, peeps.

3) Your farm, your question you answered about Sue Jones, your poker game or whatever else you’re letting infect your computer with spyware and viruses. If you do this, you immediately become hidden from my Facebook feed forevermore.

4) What your pet is doing every minute of the day. Okay, I’ll admit, I enjoy an occassional pet pic. I find pets to be adorable. I think I’m just prejudiced right now because my news feed contains the following updates:

– Pictures of pugs (cute)

– Update on how a dog is feeling in the upcoming storm

– A dog-sitting update

– A picture of a cat rolled in a blanket

– FOUR pictures of Chuck the Steer

Yeah, not kidding about that one. I’m actually stealing a pic to post here – I don’t think Chuck will mind.

5) Vaguebooking. Seriously, your life’s not that interesting. You’re being a little passive-aggressive and needy. Nothing vague about that, right? 😉

6) Writing in your baby’s voice. Your baby can’t type. So, it comes off a little bit strange when you type as if your baby has commandeered your computer. Don’t post things like “I am wearing this outfit that my Aunt Katie gave me. I want to be just like Aunt Katie. I LOVE Aunt Katie.” Just post it from yourself, not from the baby, okay?

7) Anything about your baby’s bodily functions. I don’t want you to write on your Facebook status, which then ends up on my news feed, about how gross it was to clean up your baby’s diarrhea. If it wasn’t pleasant for you to do it, it certainly isn’t pleasant for us to hear about it. Here’s a real-life example from today:

** I’m sorry if I’m coming off as a baby-hater. I actually love babies (especially one in particular, you know who you are – or at least who your mom is – K! But then, K is not guilty of these kinds of transgressions.). You guys can deride people who make way too many posts about their sports teams if you wish – I will take it in good humor.

8) Anything that says, “Repost this if….” You know, if you have a wonderful daughter, or an amazing granddaughter or a relative killed by Death Eaters in the Second Wizarding War (actually, that one was kind of funny).

9) Your tweets. Don’t be so lazy, people. Use Facebook and Twitter as separate entities (again, possibly just a personal preference!).

10) Your bragging. Keep it under control, I beg you. Remember, some of us are poor law school families. We don’t all get to take limos to dinner and drink 250-year-old champagne, then take a carriage ride behind a flying unicorn, then, to add insult to injury, go home to their petite lap giraffe.  

Those of us who have to be contented with regular horses or – gasp – no horses at all may feel discontent and therefore dislike you. Seriously, people, I am number 378,805 on the petite lap giraffe waiting list. I may just die of envy.

What do you think? Agree? Disagree? Boycotting me now because this is you-to-a-T? Hope not! Please take it all with a grain of salt. 🙂

22 responses to “The Twitter World Asked For It…

  1. LOVE this. I kind of want to post it on my facebook wall, but then I don’t think I’d have any friends, because they all do those things. 🙂

  2. I absolutely love this post…and I’ll add one more…

    11. We don’t want to hear just how important/busy/stressful your job is

    Can you tell I have a few of these in my feed?

  3. hahaha! sooo true. Especially the loveydovey posts… I’m always thinking- can’t you two tell each other this in person instead, seeing as you’re dating/married/sooooo-in-love??

  4. I would like to add vague countdowns to this list. 37 days to what?! Me unfriending you? Because that’s likely if the stupid countdown continues.

    Also, awkward family drama being posted all over Facebook. My cousin NEVER misses a chance to say all sorts of nasty things about her sister in her status updates. Not cool.

    Otherwise, this post made me laugh because it’s so true!

    • Yeah, I’m with you on this, especially because I think I discovered that my sister is planning on descending upon us in “T-19” days. At least according to her Facebook countdown she started yesterday. :-/

  5. heck no we don’t want to see the inside of a uterus posted on facebook! i felt weird even showing our pics to family. along with that, i would have to add we don’t want to know the status of your cervix as you get ready to give birth. it just disturbing!

  6. I get mad at the rude and pushy political statements and such. I’m fine with differences in opinions and all that, but don’t start saying I’m going to hell or I’m part of the problem or whatever if I don’t agree with your political beliefs.

  7. Ummmm, you crack me up! Amen to all of the above.

  8. I would like to add the “I’m so tired” people. I mean we’re all tired, right? Every once in a while it’s okay to let the interwebs know how tired you are, but if you’re posting about it 3-4 times a week, then go to bed instead of posting on FB!!

  9. I really love this – there are so many annoyances that happen on Facebook. I especially agree with the love-y stuff (mainly because I’m sort of grossed out by PDA, but that’s just me). There’s a couple here at the school who writes high school-reminiscent love posts EVERY SINGLE DAY. gag me.

    Also, I loved your comment on my blog. The Polynesian Islands have no thunderstorms?! That’s so cool! Not only beautiful, I’m sure, but thunderstorm free? I need to live there!

  10. SO agree with this! I started unfriending people who used any variation of “perfect 10” to describe albums about 2010 on their pages.

  11. i agree. seriously. with EVERY SINGLE ONE.

  12. Hahaha I have a friend who HATES HATES HATES seeing sonogram pictures on facebook. I get a ranting email everytime one of our mutual friends from college posts one.

  13. Love this, especially the ones about parents writing as their infants. I had to deny a friend’s three-week-old son who requested to be my facebook friend. Your baby does not facebook. Please stop.

  14. One of my favorite posts so far. If I ever break any of these rules, you have my full permission to hit me over the head with something heavy.

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