Am I Anti-Mother’s Day?

Should I go see my mom for Mother’s Day?

Apparently, she’s telling everyone in the family that Jo (sister living with me) and I should come up to visit this weekend. My parents live six and a half hours away. Even if we were just going to meet in the town where my sister Beth goes to college, it’s still three and a half hours away.

I’ve already spent money on a gift and mailed it, therefore spending money on postage. Now, apparently we’ve been told she actually wants new tennis shoes as a gift, and since I ended up paying (on a law school family budget)  90% of the total price for the designer boots she demanded for Christmas, I just don’t feel like expending any more time or effort.

I’ve alluded on this blog to the fact that my mom and I have a rocky relationship, and that she’s been very hurtful, controlling and truly just mean in the past. I just don’t think I should be expected to make a long drive on the first weekend after my husband finishes finals to another city to spend time with and cater to the ego of someone who doesn’t really treat me very nicely.

But, what’s your opinion? Should I suck it up and go? Should I spend money on the extra gift she wants?

PS We’re not going to go see Ducks’ family either. I bought and mailed similarly-priced gifts to both, and his parents will actually be visiting his grandparents in another city. So, it’s not like we’re choosing one family over the other. We’re just choosing our family (me and Ducks), to try to rest a bit and relieve the strain of finals. Is this okay, or bratty?

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10 responses to “Am I Anti-Mother’s Day?

  1. I’m a big proponent of doing what is best for you. Not in a selfish way, but sometimes you have to take care of YOU. Also, i know on a law school budget, money is tight and if you helped pay for an expensive gift already, that she requested, then I don’t think she should be expecting you to pay more for something else. Also, gas is freaking expensive right now and you could spend a small fortune just on that, let alone any other activities over the weekend. Does your sister want to go? Also, I completely understand first weekend after finals. We aren’t seeing either set of moms since Mr. A still has finals next week.

    I’d say…no. But that’s me. Only way I could see doing it is if maybe your sister really wants to and is willing to split gas cost. And maybe Ducks can stay home to relax? but I still think you and Ducks need the time together since he will be working this summer. Never forget the importance of downtime.

  2. Stay home. You need the rest and together time more than anything!

  3. I wouldn’t go if it were me. Both of our moms live 3 hours away and we are not going to see them. It’s just too much-too much time, too much money, too much driving (we just were in town twice in a month, though). Even still I don’t think we’ve been home for Mother’s Day once in the last 4 or 5 years. Don’t go if it’s not coming from your heart. If it’s an obligation, you will begrudge her even more and that’s just not worth it.

  4. You should NOT be expected to do this, regardless of your relationship or whether your husband just finished finals, but because the love of your family is supposed to support you in doing what is right for you, even when it’s not what they want. It took me FOREVER to learn and practice this.

    We send both of our mother’s flowers for within a few $$ of the same amount. I feel like it’s the only way to make it fair and also do-able! They both love it because they are not the types to buy themselves flowers and they both love certain blooms. But we have to set that as our limit, because even though our moms would never ask for anything, if we set a precedent like visiting, it would be really hard for them to let go.

    Good luck ❤

  5. I echo pretty much everything that newteacherwife said. I hate it when people “expect” a gift. It would be * a little* different if you has asked her what she wanted. My mom and I have similar relationship (I think) to you and your mom, so I completely understand. I sent my mom a Mother’s Day card because I thought it was a nice thing to do. I think we’re kind of not talking right now. I think she just wants me to forget about every bad thing that’s ever happened. I can forgive, but I will never forget.

  6. 😦 Sorry you’re stuck with such a burden when it’s supposed to be a sweet holiday. I would not go. Your heart is not in it.

  7. Nor is your mom’s.

  8. Ugh…call me a B, but I hate these holidays. They are so stupid. I love my mom. She knows I love her. We hang out all the time and talk every day. Why do we need a day shoved into May (and right around finals) that we are forced to buy people stuff. I’m so tired of all the gift-giving. If it’s not x-mas, a birthday, someone’s baby shower or administrative professional’s day then it’s something else. Enough, I say!

    Okay…stepping off my soapbox. I usually do a little something for my mom, but normally we have lunch or get our nails done or I just call her. Do not feel like you need to drive 6 hours when gas is like $100 a gallon just because some made-up holiday told you to. Finals are about to end. You and Ducks should be celebrating that….but without gifts, okay?

  9. I guess my litmus test would be, “if you had an adult child, would you expect the same treatment from them that your mother is asking of you?”

    My mom died when I was very young and I’ve been a step-mother for many years now, so I have developed a severe allergic reaction to this “holiday”. On one hand, I would give anything have a Mother’s Day with my mother. As a step-mother, I’m always expected to “stand-aside” so as not to divide the kids loyalties on this day. Of course, I’m expected to honor my mother in law 🙂

    So, when my step-daughter was finishing finals and felt obligated to see her mother, I didn’t make a beef. I would have loved to see her and spend time together, but being a “parental unit” (aka step-mother), I wouldn’t dream of making her life unbearably complicated. I’m a grown-up and I can wait for another time to have a special day.

    thanks for letting me bitch

    • I’m sorry that you lost your mother. I felt kind of bad complaining about my situation because there are a lot of women out there who don’t even have the opportunity to spend the day with their moms if they want to. But, also, thanks for stopping by my blog.

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