Divorce Party

Okay, just a quick post to let you guys know I haven’t forgotten you…. 😉

And don’t worry, Ducks and I are not getting divorced.

One of my colleagues, a girl who is somewhere between acquaintance and friend, is having a party tonight. It should be simple to say, “Oh, I’ll be there,” right? After all, it involves margaritas on a patio – what’s not to love?

The thing that stops me from wanting to attend is this – it’s a “divorce party.”

She’s celebrating the finalization of her divorce paperwork, etc., and the fact that she’s single again. I don’t know how to feel about this. On one hand, she’s a very nice girl who is excited to start a new, and hopefully better, portion of her life. But, on the other hand, should we really celebrate the destruction of the institution of marriage?

It’s so hard to know about this kind of thing. Plus, I’m just a sociable kind of girl, so I feel badly about not showing up to things other people are hosting. (Oh, also, the annoying friends of my friend H are invited, and after Thing #1’s inappropriate attempts to dance with me and poke his finger into my bridesmaid’s dress cleavage area, I’m so NOT up for seeing him.)

What are your thoughts? Would you attend a divorce party? Is it right to have a divorce party? And would it be any different if it were a “new beginnings” party instead of a divorce party? Is it supporting a friend or supporting the dissolution of the institution of marriage?

15 responses to “Divorce Party

  1. So funny because I actually JUST bailed on one of these. I had the choice of going to a closer friend’s divorce party or a less-close friend’s graduation party. I realized I would rather show up and be supportive of an achievement rather than a failure, even if getting a divorce really can be a positive thing for both people (in this case it totally was, they were a horrible couple).

    That said, I think if you’re uncomfortable, you’re well within your rights to bow out. If you don’t feel that you will be up for the kind of conversation and tone of the evening, then don’t put yourself through it.

    Hope you have a lovely night either way!

  2. Dude, I’d go! Someone’s personal divorce doesn’t signal the destruction of the institution of marriage. Just because a marriage ends doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. Maybe that was the biggest mistake or her life and the divorce was the solution. Maybe there are bigger and better things out there for her. Maybe this is just the first step. Even if it wasn’t, she has to move on and she should do it as gracefully and with as much joy as possible.

    Go! Have a great time and wish her well on finding what she’s looking for.

  3. I think I’d only go if it were someone from my inner circle, at which point I would be there to support my girlfriend on a tough day (I would imagine, though not true for everyone, that finalizing a divorce would be bittersweet at best, even if only grieving for your expectations). Otherwise, no, I wouldn’t go. As a note, I think I’d be much more inclined to go to a dinner or some wine drinking at someone’s home rather than like bar hopping (ie there to support and commiserate rather than celebrate), so I think that would also factor into my decision, FWIW.

  4. A post title like that gives you a heart attack – I assumed the worst just now!

    Phew – glad your marriage is still intact.

    I wouldn’t attend I don’t think, because I don’t think it is something to be ‘celebrated’, but I’d gladly go on a quiet unassuming night out if it was just to get her back on the scene.

  5. I’d attend. Divorce is horrible and awful, but making it through divorce to other side, to a new life? That probably is something to be celebrated. (But I celebration I never want to have for myself!)

  6. Hmm. That’s a toughie. My opinion is that it really depends on what kind of person she is. I personally have 2 friends contemplating divorce and one now does nothing but bash marriage and bash men even though others around her are happily engaged/married. The other friend is flat out sad but genuinely wants the support of friends to get through this. If your friend is like the latter, I would go. But if it’s just going to be a man haters club, I wouldn’t bother :/

  7. I’m kind of on the page that divorce isn’t something to make light of. I get what she’s doing and celebrating, but agree that a different title may set the stage better. Focus on the positive and future instead, like you said with a “new beginnings” or “starting over” party.

  8. Not sure about this. I think I agree with the other girls and it would depend if she’s turning this into a man hating party or if it’s a new start for her. If it’s the first, then no, especially since you are happily married and they could quickly expect you to start bashing your husband as well. Also, if you feel compelled to go, say you can but that you can’t stay long for some other commitment. That way you have an out if it’s uncomfortable.

  9. I think that’s great! One of my close friend is going through a divorce and I was just telling her the other day she should have one once things become official. Divorce is such a tough process I think its funny and very tongue-in-check to throw a party after its all over. Its not making light of marriage, its a celebration of getting through a very difficult period in a person’s life. I like the concept!

  10. Missed you! 😉 Gosh, you always post the most intriguing questions! In a way, I’m thinking, “Yeah, that would be fun because maybe he was a real asshole.” But on the other hand, like you said, it’s clearly celebrating the dissolution the institution of marriage.

    I honestly don’t know what I would do. I think it would depend on my relationship w/ said person. Can we just lump it with Halloween (like we’re not celebrating paganism) and we’re not celebrating man hating and the dissolution of the institution of marriage?

  11. I think I’d bow out, personally. Not my thing. Unless it’s one of your BFFs, I don’t think you should feel obligated. I understand the party, but it doesn’t seem right to me.

  12. At first I was like “no, don’t go,” but the more I think about it the less I care that it’s a “divorce” party. I mean, going through a divorce must be emotionally exhausting. And everyone knows you’re going through it so it might be kind of embarrasing as well. Having a little party to say “hey I made it through…thanks for watching my marriage fall a part” probably isn’t the worst thing in the world. But if you’re uncomfortable, then staying home is probably best. You can support your friend in another way.

  13. i sorta feel like this isn’t a positive type of party. perhaps divorce was the right choice in her life because we all know that happy marriages don’t end in divorce. So, I mean, let’s face it, it’s a party celebrating the fact that something bad happened. and i feel funny celebrating that fact. esp if she isn’t a close friend.


  14. Yikes – this is a tough thing to deal with. I don’t know how I feel about celebrating a divorce because I don’t really believe in it. But I guess you could send along your happy wishes and decline the invitation, saying you had other plans. I wouldn’t go, but that’s just me.

  15. How awkward!! I guess if it was a close friend I’d be there for support, but otherwise I’d be pretty uncomfortable.

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