Monthly Archives: July 2011

With These Things I’ll Never Say

Things I Sometimes Want to Tell People in My Life: Edition One.

Have you ever just really, really wanted to tell someone something, but you hold it in? I feel like I spend half my life doing this. So, I thought I’d share some of the things that I keep inside, out of politeness, propriety and a sense of being a good example and not a holy terror to those around me.

I keep from saying them, and one day (like the mom on Little Women), I’ll keep myself from feeling/thinking them as well. These are specific things that I would actually say with real-life people in mind. Most of them are not that nice, so I guess it’s the better part of valor that I don’t actually say them and just make you read them instead.  😉

1) Just stop talking. (I actually use this one on Ducks semi-often, but would like to say it to others fairly regularly too).

2) You’re not my boss, so stop acting like you are.

3) Leave me alone. I’m trying to work.

4) I don’t care about your three-week, four-country European vacation and how you suffered because it was JUST TOO LONG and there was too much bread and too much gelato.

5) Take off those fake eyelashes, for the love of all that is holy! You’re not fooling anyone.

6) Believe in yourself – stop being so shy.

7) Just eat a sandwich already! You weigh 95 pounds – you are NOT fat.

8) When you use so much bad language, it’s unladylike.

9) I don’t call you every day because you keep me on the phone for 80 minutes when I do.

10) I really want to be your friend, but I’m afraid I’m not cool enough.

11) STOP CLIPPING YOUR NAILS AT YOUR DESK!

12) Stop eating tuna at your desk!

13) No, I will not come listen to your band. I’d rather sit in a room with an angry Bob Knight and 50 chairs.

14) Please stop parking in front of our house.

14 1/2) Please stop making a huge deal about it when people park in front of our house.

15) I hate when you go to sleep at 8 p.m. (okay, I actually do say that one, too. It’s easy to see which ones are Ducks-related)

16) This is a great company, but don’t expect me to stay here for 25 years, just because other people do.

17) I’d really like it if you would marry my sister. 🙂 She’ll get over the fact that you’re a ginger.

18) Sometimes I get sick of hearing about sports.

19) I am not my sister’s keeper. She’s an adult, so don’t call me – call her.

What kinds of things do you want to say? Do you have anything that irks you that you just keep inside? Or, are you all perfect beings without a malicious thought in your heads (Abbey probably qualifies for the last one, as she’s one of the best role models and testimonies that I know. 🙂 ).

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Wondering about Wings (and Breasts)

This topic seems to come up regularly and is one that is sure to incite controversy.

Today is my friend’s son’s 13th birthday. She asked him and his besst friend where they wanted to go to lunch, and her son got embarassed and his friend blurted out, “He wants to go to Hooters!”

Well, she talked him into Cheesecake Factory instead, but it made me ponder this question. What should we do about the issue of the ever-increasing number of restaurants that encourage women to flaunt their bodies in exchange for tips? My friend’s son is only 13 and this type of restaurant is already a mecca and a destination to him. My old boss would take both her little girls (ages 8 and 1) there regularly, to the point that her 8-year-old would request to go there after her softball games, because, “The girls all run around and yell and you don’t have to use any manners. Also their fried pickles are good.”

My parents were at the other extreme of things. My mom wouldn’t even allow us to eat in a restaurant that served alcohol, much less where girls were running around in skimpy, double-entendred outfits. (Of course, when she discovered how good Olive Garden’s Steak Gorgonzola Alfredo was, she changed her tune).

When we went to the law firm party, one of the other clerks started talking very animatedly about this place that is apparently like “Mexican Hooters.” While the guys started discussing it, the boss turned to me and said, “We won’t take your husband to a place like that if you don’t approve.” Well, then, because I didn’t want to sound like a stick in the mud or make Ducks look “whipped,” I responded with something polite and in the affirmative that I didn’t make decisisons for him and that he could go. They haven’t gone, but I was surprised at myself for not standing up more for my convictions instead of buckling under and trying to be the “cool wife” in front of the office. I wonder if I would have responded the same way if they had been talking about taking my husband to a strip club instead, or if there’s a line where I would have been bold enough to stand up for my principles and opinions.

My opinion on it is this – I don’t like any of those types of restaurants. I think they devalue women and I think they make it okay for men to look at women as objects, servants to showcase their bodies, bring them food and pour them beer and let them act like pigs, all the while smiling, laughing and maintaining a cheerful attitude (something we wives can’t always compare with at home when work and domestic duties pile on the stress). There’s also a radio commercial for some wing restaurant, and I don’t even think it’s somwhere that serves wings and sex 😉 , that basically shows how miserable you could be at home with your wife nagging you, or how much fun you could be having around the corner attacking a mound of wings and receiving cheerful service from the local tavern wench.

However, there are many worse places my husband could go or where his coworkers could pressure him to visit, in all honesty, so a place where wings are served by girls in tight tank tops and pantyhose is not that bad in the scheme of things. My inclination is to say, “Don’t go,” but I wouldn’t be completely crushed if he did. You can see a lot more skin on a commercial, in a movie or at the beach, or even just logging on to your computer. The temptation’s always there for people who want to act on it. I will say, though, that I would never take my children there. I don’t want my daughters to think that’s the type of career they should aspire to, because men will make fools of themselves over them, and I don’t want my sons to think women are just objects for their gratification, instead of capable people who should be valued for both mind and body.

What are your thoughts?

More prayers

If you have a moment today, send some thoughts and prayers in the direction of this wonderful family.

I wrote in a recent post about some college friends whose son is very ill. The situation has progressed even further and it just rends my heart to think about them, about all they are enduring and about how much they must be hurting right now.

With illness, worries, concerns and more all around us, it’s hard sometimes to see meaning and higher purpose in life. The little things that upset me are so trivial compared to what people like Kara and Matthew and James are enduring. To what my mother-in-law has, and continues to, endure. I think that’s why I have a hard time blogging lately. My petty life concerns, or the books that I read, or the little activities that Ducks and I do, or the funny things that happen are work, are so mundane and so infinitesmally small compared to the suffering in the world. I know these kind of things happens every day, but it just feels different when it happens so close to home, when you realize that someone just like you, an attorney and his wife, people who went to college with you, who have had so many similar life experiences to you, could be chosen to endure such strain and heartache as they have.

People like Matthew and Kara are examples of strength, fortitude and faith to the rest of us. Every word on their blog is a testimony to their love for God, their love for their son and their love for each other. Please pray that they’ll have comfort, peace, and perhaps a miracle, if that’s in God’s plan.

Thanks. Hope you are all well.

Update: Success

Good morning! Sorry I didn’t let y’all know anything yesterday, but my phone died, despite the fact that I was not using it (or at least only stealthily using it at the hospital, because Ducks’ grandparents disapprove of smartphones).

Anyway, though, THANK YOU for all your thoughts and prayers. The surgery was very successful and she is doing well. She will be resting in the hospital today and may even get to go home, depending on how everything looks when the doctor checks on her.

One thing that I loved and thought you guys might like is this: I think I mentioned how much my mother in law likes working out and how she goes to this summer boot camp. Well, yesterday morning when she was going into surgery, 30 of her friends from the camp each turned on their videos and did her favorite workout, so they could think of her and support her  during the surgery. So, nationwide, there were all these people exercising! 🙂 Pretty sure that if I was having surgery, I would have asked you all to turn on Pride and Prejudice and eat some cookies and cream ice cream, but that’s just another example of the excellence that is my mother-in-law.

Hope you all have a GREAT day! 😀

Thoughts and Prayers Requested

My mother in law will have surgery tomorrow to get the lymph node that has shown up. We will be driving to the region’s foremost cancer center tomorrow, where she’s having her surgery, so that we can be there with her and with the family.

Would appreciate your thoughts and prayers during and following the surgery tomorrow. She will be in the hospital all weekend and released on Monday. I’ll try to post Friday and let you all know how it goes.

The “How You Found Me” Post

Man. You guys write a lot! Today, I went through the posts in my Google Reader. And you have all been BUSY. (PS JAMIE, where did you go?!).

When I was visiting Newlyweds Next Door, I saw one of those fun “how people found me” posts. And, because I can’t seem to make my brain function long enough to actually update you all on my life, I thought – that might make a fun post for MY blog, too! 😉

So….here are some of the most interesting, funniest, weirdest, creepiest ways people have found their way here:

чендлер бинг картинки

Apparently, this means “Chandler Bing pictures” in Russian. Hi, Russian friends! Or actually, Zdravstvuj!

puzzles for blondes

I guess they’re searching for puzzles that are slightly less challenging? Or what? Really I don’t think your pigmentation has anything to do with your ability to work puzzles. We’re not talking about Josh Hamilton’s eyes here, people.

my husband is obsessed with fantasy sports

I feel your pain, sister.

cartoon girls and wine

Hmm….don’t have any clue where that might have come from, but I’m going to assume that it’s not from a very family-friendly cartoon?

schoolwife feet kissed

Eww.

how long will it take for fascinators to become popular in the us

I don’t know, but however long it takes is WAY TOO LONG! Hats, come hither, across the pond, IMMEDIATELY!

two beers ruined my life

Eeek….sorry to hear that. But, I’m thinking it might have been your bad judgment that ruined your life. And I hope this wasn’t something really sad that happened. :-/

speciesism

YES! I’m so happy that my newly-invented societal disorder is catching on. Except that when I just googled it, apparently, it’s not so new. And apparently other people have written books on it. Guess I’m not getting famous on that idea, huh?

can i be charged with stalking my husband if we are legally married?

Haha. While I am an expert on stalking, I actually do not know the answer to this question. Why? Because my husband is actually an excellent stalker’s assistant; plus, he is rather frightened of me. 😉

There are so many more – some people really shouldn’t be allowed to use the Internet. Strange-kins. On another note, watched The Prestige yesterday. Obsessed with Christopher Nolan – what a fantastic director he is.

To wrap this up….Happy 4ofJ! So thankful for our country and our independence.

Life’s Not Fair

Wondering Why…

Why do things happen?

Sad things. Worrisome things. Unfair things.

Obviously there’s no answer to those questions, other than just life.

One of my friends from college has a baby who is less than a year old and who has a brain tumor. So unfair. They are a wonderful couple, very kind, loving and giving. While we weren’t extremely close in college, we spent some time hanging out together afterward because we lived in the same town where her husband was attending law school.

Obviously life is not fair when sweet adorable babies have debilitating illnesses.

Closer to home, life is also unfair.

I think I’ve told you all how much I admire my mother-in-law. She’s one of those people that I truly just look up to in awe. She teaches school, raised two upstanding sons, drives Meals on Wheels routes, stayed in Junior League five years past sustainer age, needlepoints exquisitely, runs marathons and does fitness boot camps for fun. She is the true picture of today’s accomplished woman, in my opinion.

Two years ago, she was diagnosed with fallopian tube/ovarian cancer and went through the rounds of surgery, the chemo, the hair loss, everything we associate with this horrible illness. In response, she didn’t wallow in her own misery. She started a Caring Bridge site that was honestly more inspiring than most other websites because she was so filled with hope and determination to beat cancer. She kept teaching on days when she wasn’t receiving chemo and she kept working out.

When the doctors told her a meat-based diet can be associated with recurrences of the disease, she immediately switched to being a vegan….and she never cheats.

I’m so proud of her, and that’s why things are so unfair.

In her latest scan, one cancerous lymph node was found. So, that means another round of surgery, another round of radiation and more treatments. Of course, we never see anything but the best side of everything, but how can she be so calm and accepting? I’m in tears just thinking about it.

And that’s why things are not fair. All we can do, all anyone can do, is trust in God, and hope and pray for the best. But still, life’s not fair, there are no guarantees and anything can happen to anyone at any time.

One thing to be thankful for is that – whatever happens to her, my mother-in-law has an inconquerable spirit, unshakeable faith and amazing fortitude and resiliency.

This is a picture of my in-laws that MD Anderson used in some of their awareness/promotion materials. I should say that my father-in-law has been there every step of the way and has supported her through this entire arduous journey. They are such good examples of a wonderful marriage and partnership.