I am guessing that I must be a kind of bitter person lately. I’m jealous of everyone, it seems.
At this very moment, my stomach is twisting in knots because I just found out via Facebook that a girl I grew up with (since we were 3 and lived on the same street) is expecting.
It makes it more ridiculous to be jealous because we’re not even trying. But I felt the same way when Ducks’ best friend from high school and his wife made a similar announcement around Easter.
And it doesn’t stop there. If it were just hormonal/biological clock issues, that would make sense. But I’m jealous of people who post their travel pictures, who are out having fun and being fancy free. I’m jealous of people who have better jobs than me, and I’m jealous of the people I work with who don’t seem to care about anything besides staying at the office from 8:30 to 5, then going home and putting work out of their minds. And, I’m most jealous of the stay-at-home wives, the ones who can do what they want when they want.
I think this is one of the worst things about law school, because it’s easy to see the common thread in all my jealousies. It’s freedom. Being able to choose what you want to do and when you want to do it. Being free to say, “Let’s have a baby,” because you’re not worried about student loans and mortgage payments. Being free to say, “You know that money in savings, let’s use it to go here.”
because you know that you should be using it to pay down debt. Honestly, I can’t even make myself buy frivolous things. A few weeks ago, I got a huge and unexpected bonus from work. And I went to Hobby Lobby at lunch that day and couldn’t even convince myself into buying trinkets there because I didn’t want to frivolously spend money that needs to be used for debt.
So, that’s where I am right now. I’m really contented with life and happy for the people among my acquaintance who are producing offspring and drinking wine in Tuscany (although, obviously, those are two disparate groups of friends), but I’m just having a hard time at times being thankful for the many blessings I have – a goal-oriented husband, a good job, and a bright future.
Do these moods strike you? What do you do to count your blessings and keep a bright outlook on life?