Oh, Jealousy

I am guessing that I must be a kind of bitter person lately. I’m jealous of everyone, it seems. 

At this very moment, my stomach is twisting in knots because I just found out via Facebook that a girl I grew up with (since we were 3 and lived on the same street) is expecting. 

It makes it more ridiculous to be jealous because we’re not even trying. But I felt the same way when Ducks’ best friend from high school and his wife made a similar announcement around Easter. 

And it doesn’t stop there. If it were just hormonal/biological clock issues, that would make sense. But I’m jealous of people who post their travel pictures, who are out having fun and being fancy free. I’m jealous of people who have better jobs than me, and I’m jealous of the people I work with who don’t seem to care about anything besides staying at the office from 8:30 to 5, then going home and putting work out of their minds. And, I’m most jealous of the stay-at-home wives, the ones who can do what they want when they want. 

I think this is one of the worst things about law school, because it’s easy to see the common thread in all my jealousies. It’s freedom. Being able to choose what you want to do and when you want to do it. Being free to say, “Let’s have a baby,” because you’re not worried about student loans and mortgage payments. Being free to say, “You know that money in savings, let’s use it to go here.” Image

because you know that you should be using it to pay down debt. Honestly, I can’t even make myself buy frivolous things. A few weeks ago, I got a huge and unexpected bonus from work. And I went to Hobby Lobby at lunch that day and couldn’t even convince myself into buying trinkets there because I didn’t want to frivolously spend money that needs to be used for debt. 

So, that’s where I am right now. I’m really contented with life and happy for the people among my acquaintance who are producing offspring and drinking wine in Tuscany (although, obviously, those are two disparate groups of friends), but I’m just having a hard time at times being thankful for the many blessings I have – a goal-oriented husband, a good job, and a bright future. 

Do these moods strike you? What do you do to count your blessings and keep a bright outlook on life? 

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5 responses to “Oh, Jealousy

  1. Oh lady, I think jealousy is something we all struggle with. I’m not bound by law school or debt, but just by our “starting out” stations of life. I dream of the dream house – our forever home – and vacations and fun trips. I know they will come, but some days it’s hard to wait. Baby envy has just begun, but I know I’m not quite ready for that…. We will all get there, I guess we just need to pray for some patience!

  2. Do something selfless. You will feel a million times better. (Which, I guess, is a contradiction. But it’s still true.) 🙂

  3. Oh boy, I totally get the feeling of jealousy, especially towards those who seemingly have it much better than you. I’m stuck in the law school wife mode right now, and though we can see the end of the tunnel, I’m seeing all of his friends graduating in a few weeks and some are starting jobs. They seem to be getting a head start, even though I know it was the right choice for my husband to do an MBA too, which meant an extra semester. I just try to focus on the good things we have going on, and enjoy every moment of this me-and-him time without a big law job and future babies that will take up so much more of our time in the hopefully not-so-distant future.

  4. We all have those moments and you are definitely entitled to think “Oh to be free to go to Tahiti!” Let’s be honest – even huge bonuses go very quickly for school loans and other household things. But I try to remember that money is both easily earned and lost so I enjoy it (while being careful) while I can.
    Thanks for the good vibes. Things aren’t good at all right now, but I’m hoping for bluer skies soon!

    xoxo,
    Chic ‘n Cheap Living

  5. Oh heavens. You are now my best friend. I, too, am in a partnership with a law school student (he is older than the “traditional”). I am just so pissed off right now. I mean, seriously. I feel like law school is this ball and chain that holds us back from doing what we want to do … I mean now and in the future. We cannot take trips like we want because he can’t miss school … and we he can, tickets are so outrageously high because everyone else is out of school, too. In the future, student loans will smother us. There are times when I wonder if this grand “investment” will pay off. Sometimes, I just wish that he would quit and go back to work so we can enjoy our lives and not be slaves to law school.

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