Category Archives: Dilemmas

Oh, hey, blog world…

So, I’m back. September went by in a blur. Yep, we have officially flipped the calendar to a new month. We launched several promotions at work to start Q4, so that was making me crazy and seriously cutting into my blog time.

But, the main reason why I’m back here today is because I have a dilemma, and of course, I dearly love publishing my moral dilemmas to the blog world.

How do you feel about profanity? That’s the question.

Here’s how I feel. I am not living in an ivory tower. I know that there are bad words floating around in the universe out there. I know that people use them regularly. I’m not opposed to using one myself every now and again, especially if I’m feeling emphatic about something (really, would Rhett Butler’s famous parting line really have sounded the same if he said, “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a hoot.” I think not). I don’t judge people solely on their use of profanity.

UNLESS…

It continually spews out of their mouths without rhyme or reason. I experienced this on Saturday. We were out watching a football game (and by that, I mean, come on, THROW THE BALL TO KENDALL WRIGHT IN THE FOURTH QUARTER! Now, that was a situation when profanity would have been useful) and my sister and a couple of friends came in.

And her friends were non-stop with the vulgarities, obscenities and profanities (which, is a very interesting distinction). They used every kind of inappropriate word you could think of, and all in the span of five minutes, and all at the very end of the game, with no relation to the football game whatsoever (they were just babbling and interrupting my viewing with ONE MINUTE LEFT in the fourth quarter). And it just irked me.

One of the friends had never met us before. Never laid eyes on us, didn’t know our names, didn’t know…honestly….whether we might be ministers or missionaries or someone else vehemently opposed to that kind of language (which then begs the question of what we were doing in a sports bar in the middle of the afternoon).

But listening to that kind of talk made me realize:

1)  People who indiscriminately use bad language don’t sound smart. At all.

2) If that’s what I sound like when I throw an occasional expletive into conversation for emphasis, then it makes me want to cut myself off altogether. I would say I only average about two expletives a week now, though – residual effects of being Baptist, I guess. 😉

But, am I just being prejudiced? Or Victorianly old-fashioned? How do you feel about this?

And, I’ve missed you guys. I hope everyone in the blog world is having a lovely start to fall. 🙂

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The Green-Eyed Monster

And I’m not talking about Ducks, although he does have really excellent green eyes.

I’m talking about jealousy.

Jealousy and covetousness are my biggest failings, I think; definitely the areas I need to work on most. I’ve always been a little insecure, and I think law school has exacerbated this situation.

It’s really a head vs. heart battle. In my head, I know that we’re doing the right things – paying as much as we can toward law school and taking out as few loans as possible. Before school started (while Ducks was still working), we paid off both our vehicles, and we don’t accumulate any credit card debt. We pay our cards off in full every month without dipping in to our savings, even though that means we may have to miss out on expensive dinners out and glamorous date nights. So, in my head, I know I should be proud of our accomplishments, that I should look to the future and how financially secure we’ll be, and that I should be content to wait through the short time that comprises the rest of law school before enjoying some of the better, more exciting, more fun things in life. In my head, I know that extra money (when we have it), goes toward our mortgage so we can pay our house off sooner, and occasionally goes toward our one spending vice – basketball season tickets.

But my heart is a completely different story. This past weekend proves it. What happened? We went to a wedding. Not just any wedding – the wedding of one of Ducks’ high school friends to a girl who went to college with us. And all my pea-green envy welled up inside me at every turn. Sitting in the reception that certainly cost far more than my salary for an entire year. Hearing some of Ducks’ other friends talk about their summer vacation to Guatemala. Checking out one of his high school friend’s fiancee’s engagement ring and zealously evaluating whether it measured up to mine (in case you’re wondering, the end conclusion was that mine is bigger). I even started feeling jealous over things that have NEVER bothered me before – over the fact that my mother-in-law doesn’t gush to people about how wonderful I am when she introduces me to people. Over the fact that I wasn’t wearing a $200 dress to the reception, but was instead wearing something I’ve worn to several weddings in the past.

I shouldn’t feel bad over these things, because we could afford to do them as well, if we used more loans instead of paying a large chunk of the tuition ourselves, if we accepted money from Ducks’ family educational trust (which he refuses to do), if we ran up our credit cards, or if we simply depleted our savings. We have other goals in mind and other ways we plan to spend our money, so it shouldn’t bother me. But sometimes it does, and that’s the honest truth.

Being surrounded by opulence at this weekend’s wedding (that should have been on Platinum Weddings) – from the enormous glassed-in ballroom at the top of a skyscraper overlooking their city, to the steak and swordfish dinner, to the open bar, to the cake that belonged on Ace of Cakes, to the bride’s dress, which probably could have fed a small village for a year, I felt like a peasant wandering outside Versailles. I wouldn’t have chosen that kind of wedding for myself, and I did have a lovely wedding of my own, which I wouldn’t trade. I just hated to think of my own wedding, my own husband, my own life, being evaluated and measured against what everyone else from this little clique was doing. Ducks is part of a group of four from high school who stick together and who are still good friends, attend/are in each others’ weddings whether they’re in rural Texas or in far away Wisconsin, call on each others’ birthdays, send each other weird movies and all that – I just don’t want to be measured up and found lacking in comparison with these other brides.

How do you stem the rising tides of jealousy and insecurity? Again, in my head, I know that I have the best of the four husbands/fiancees 😉 , so that should tip the scales in my favor. And he was extremely handsome this weekend in his seersucker suit, ladies.

(Left – one of the high school besties; right – Ducks!)

That should take the sting out of the bride’s $250 shoes, compared to my $25 (on sale) dress I wore to the grand event, shouldn’t it? (PS Natalie, I did wear the wrap I won on your blog contest!).

Do you guys get jealous? How do you deal with it?

Divorce Party

Okay, just a quick post to let you guys know I haven’t forgotten you…. 😉

And don’t worry, Ducks and I are not getting divorced.

One of my colleagues, a girl who is somewhere between acquaintance and friend, is having a party tonight. It should be simple to say, “Oh, I’ll be there,” right? After all, it involves margaritas on a patio – what’s not to love?

The thing that stops me from wanting to attend is this – it’s a “divorce party.”

She’s celebrating the finalization of her divorce paperwork, etc., and the fact that she’s single again. I don’t know how to feel about this. On one hand, she’s a very nice girl who is excited to start a new, and hopefully better, portion of her life. But, on the other hand, should we really celebrate the destruction of the institution of marriage?

It’s so hard to know about this kind of thing. Plus, I’m just a sociable kind of girl, so I feel badly about not showing up to things other people are hosting. (Oh, also, the annoying friends of my friend H are invited, and after Thing #1’s inappropriate attempts to dance with me and poke his finger into my bridesmaid’s dress cleavage area, I’m so NOT up for seeing him.)

What are your thoughts? Would you attend a divorce party? Is it right to have a divorce party? And would it be any different if it were a “new beginnings” party instead of a divorce party? Is it supporting a friend or supporting the dissolution of the institution of marriage?

Am I Anti-Mother’s Day?

Should I go see my mom for Mother’s Day?

Apparently, she’s telling everyone in the family that Jo (sister living with me) and I should come up to visit this weekend. My parents live six and a half hours away. Even if we were just going to meet in the town where my sister Beth goes to college, it’s still three and a half hours away.

I’ve already spent money on a gift and mailed it, therefore spending money on postage. Now, apparently we’ve been told she actually wants new tennis shoes as a gift, and since I ended up paying (on a law school family budget)  90% of the total price for the designer boots she demanded for Christmas, I just don’t feel like expending any more time or effort.

I’ve alluded on this blog to the fact that my mom and I have a rocky relationship, and that she’s been very hurtful, controlling and truly just mean in the past. I just don’t think I should be expected to make a long drive on the first weekend after my husband finishes finals to another city to spend time with and cater to the ego of someone who doesn’t really treat me very nicely.

But, what’s your opinion? Should I suck it up and go? Should I spend money on the extra gift she wants?

PS We’re not going to go see Ducks’ family either. I bought and mailed similarly-priced gifts to both, and his parents will actually be visiting his grandparents in another city. So, it’s not like we’re choosing one family over the other. We’re just choosing our family (me and Ducks), to try to rest a bit and relieve the strain of finals. Is this okay, or bratty?

To Party or not to Party?

To HAVE a party, that is.

Yesterday was Ducks’ official last day of class (yeah, I know, it’s about time I write something about him instead of babbling on about myself all the time!). Random question – do you guys at other law/med schools applaud your professors at the end of the semester? Ducks said that someone starts a round of claps in each of his classes on the last day. Respect or sucking up? I don’t know.

Anyway, so today he will be enjoying the day off school and my sister will be enjoying the day off work. I, on the other hand, will be spending a very l-o-n-g and busy day in the office. How glorious. Although, to be fair, Ducks says it’s really like working overtime for him, since he’ll be studying all day. That boy is so serious about school. I would never be a good law student, because I would be all, “Day off! Time to sit in the sun and drink sugar-free lemon drops (which, sidebar, might be the best drink EVER).” But, no, he’s all scholarly and up at 6 a.m. this morning, trying to wake me up and getting all studious in his little office.

I will say that finals this time are much less stressful (so far at least). Hopefully that’s a good omen.

Okay, now I’ve gotten completely distracted from the purpose of my post, which is, what do you think about the idea of having an end of the 1L year party? Fun? A distraction? I would plan to have it at our house, make it fairly small and do it the Saturday after finals are over.

Decisions, decisions. I’m just glad I can use my brainpower on social gatherings, while my poor husband is focusing all his (for today at least) on contracts and torts.

Calling all Early Birds

How do you guys do it? How do you get up in the morning?

Neither Ducks nor I am a morning person. And I just don’t know how to make myself one. To get to work on time, I usually need to leave my house at 7:15. Ideally, I’d like to get up at 5:30 so that I would have time for the gym before work, but apparently, that is a pretty far-fetched dream. Most days I roll out of bed at 6:40, rush to get ready and eat breakfast and put my makeup on in the car.

Ducks wants to get up early as well. His section doesn’t usually start class until at least 10, but he likes getting to school before traffic and before it starts getting noisy in the library. He also has to drive through THREE school zones on the way to law school, so that’s another reason to wake up early and leave early.

This morning for example, I actually did wake up at 5:30 – no alarm or anything. But instead of getting up and taking myself to the gym so I could get in my workout, I decided to loll in bed for another hour, doze off again and end up madly rushing and stabbing a handful of bobby pins into my hair (one reason I’m so happy to have thick curly hair – it doesn’t have to be washed every day; it actually looks better when it’s not).

So, seriously, teach me your ways. I know I’ve seen Jamie blog that she is an early riser, and with how busy and motivated most of you are (as well as how lovely and put together you are in your pictures), I assume you must be early birds as well. Especially as Ducks gets ready to start this internship, a minimum of early morning rushing around would be really nice.

You Know what they Say About Things Coming in Threes?

I must be guilty of the sin of hubris or something. I just now learned about hubris a few weeks ago, when I was in my Percy Jackson reading phase. Apparently, it’s extreme and unhealthy pride. That’s the only way I can explain the things that have been happening lately.

You’ve all been reading my blog complaints about this week and now I have another one to add. Or, as my friend H would say, the other shoe has finally dropped.

You know how things seem to happen in threes? Let’s go over the three recent happenings, all of which have involved items I prize very much.

1) My car decal gets stolen.

2) My oven is covered with exploding goo.

3) My iPhone is murdered.

Yep, the third bad thing happened. The iPhone was killed. I was driving home from a trip to Costco to get more rice – we finished the 15-pound bag we bought in August finally. When I got into my car after my little jaunt to the much-depised (by me) warehouse store, I reached for my purse to grab my phone. And it – with a complete mind of its own- did this super-acrobatic flip and landed directly into a cup of water I had put in the cupholder.

That’s apparently what happens when you try to be healthy and work extra hydration into your routine.

So, now, my phone is reclining in a bowl of rice – isn’t it fortuitous that I had just purchased some since it’s one of the potential ways to dry out a phone? – and I am phoneless. And I absolutely refuse to get a new one. Ducks is insisting that I can’t be phoneless, but I am so mad at myself for this happening.

And, I think it’s a sign of my hubris that all these things keep happening to items I particularly prize, like my too-expensive car, my best brownie recipe and my iPhone.

My in-laws also use AT&T, so I’m hoping they have an extra phone lying around and can send me. Because right now, I’m feeling totally bereft of technology. In fact, if I needed something and couldn’t get in touch with Ducks, I’d be completely out of luck, because he’s the only person within a 200-mile radius whose phone number I have memorized.

And, let’s don’t forget, AT&T gouges you to death if you have something happen to your phone. The very cheapest phone on their site is $150 unless you’re eligible for upgrade. Yikes – pain to the law school budget!

At least, perhaps I can look forward to three good things happening to balance this out. Let’s daydream about that, shall we?

PS I promise to stop complaining for at least an entire week and post only blog posts filled with sunshine and happiness! 🙂