Category Archives: Frustration

Oh, hey, blog world…

So, I’m back. September went by in a blur. Yep, we have officially flipped the calendar to a new month. We launched several promotions at work to start Q4, so that was making me crazy and seriously cutting into my blog time.

But, the main reason why I’m back here today is because I have a dilemma, and of course, I dearly love publishing my moral dilemmas to the blog world.

How do you feel about profanity? That’s the question.

Here’s how I feel. I am not living in an ivory tower. I know that there are bad words floating around in the universe out there. I know that people use them regularly. I’m not opposed to using one myself every now and again, especially if I’m feeling emphatic about something (really, would Rhett Butler’s famous parting line really have sounded the same if he said, “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a hoot.” I think not). I don’t judge people solely on their use of profanity.

UNLESS…

It continually spews out of their mouths without rhyme or reason. I experienced this on Saturday. We were out watching a football game (and by that, I mean, come on, THROW THE BALL TO KENDALL WRIGHT IN THE FOURTH QUARTER! Now, that was a situation when profanity would have been useful) and my sister and a couple of friends came in.

And her friends were non-stop with the vulgarities, obscenities and profanities (which, is a very interesting distinction). They used every kind of inappropriate word you could think of, and all in the span of five minutes, and all at the very end of the game, with no relation to the football game whatsoever (they were just babbling and interrupting my viewing with ONE MINUTE LEFT in the fourth quarter). And it just irked me.

One of the friends had never met us before. Never laid eyes on us, didn’t know our names, didn’t know…honestly….whether we might be ministers or missionaries or someone else vehemently opposed to that kind of language (which then begs the question of what we were doing in a sports bar in the middle of the afternoon).

But listening to that kind of talk made me realize:

1)¬† People who indiscriminately use bad language don’t sound smart. At all.

2) If that’s what I sound like when I throw an occasional expletive into conversation for emphasis, then it makes me want to cut myself off altogether. I would say I only average about two expletives a week now, though – residual effects of being Baptist, I guess. ūüėČ

But, am I just being prejudiced? Or Victorianly old-fashioned? How do you feel about this?

And, I’ve missed you guys. I hope everyone in the blog world is having a lovely start to fall. ūüôā

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Why Did I Think This Was a Good Idea?

WHYYYY?

Why do I always think it’s a great idea to work out in the morning?

It sounds so good in theory – getting a workout out of the way, so the entire evening’s free. Last night, I was just thinking – wow, we should start the morning routine before law school classes start next week, so Ducks can study and we can still spend some time together at night.

Now, after a workout that honestly wasn’t even super-intense, I feel like I could melt into a puddle of sleepiness on the floor. I know I’ve asked about this before,¬†so I’m not asking for advice,¬†just pointing out one of those plans that sounds great in your head when you’re contemplating the law school schedule, but then falls flat on its face, or at least¬†makes you want to, since standing up or¬†propping¬†your eyelids open is not necessarily¬†the top-of-mind option.

Now, when it comes to law school planning, I have other things down pat. I pack breakfasts and lunches in advice so my husband can just grab them from the fridge and go (thus eating healthier¬†and saving us money). I have a chore chart; he has a study schedule; I have separate accounts set up for things like travel that don’t necessarily fit our budget. I have other extracurricular activities to keep me busy when he’s at school late.¬†But, why, oh why, must morning exercise continue to be out of my reach when it comes to productivity?

Sigh.

Is there anything especially challenging in your routine? Anything you’re trying to change up for the upcoming year? ¬†

 

The Green-Eyed Monster

And I’m not talking about Ducks, although he does have really excellent green eyes.

I’m talking about jealousy.

Jealousy and covetousness are my biggest failings, I think; definitely the areas I need to work on most. I’ve always been a little insecure, and I think¬†law school has exacerbated this situation.

It’s really a head vs. heart battle. In my head, I know that we’re doing the right things – paying as much as we can toward law school and taking out as few loans as possible. Before school started (while Ducks was still working), we paid off both our vehicles, and we don’t accumulate any credit card debt. We pay our cards off in full every month without dipping in to our savings, even though that means we may have to miss out on expensive dinners out and glamorous date nights. So, in my head, I know I should be proud of our accomplishments, that I should look to the future and how financially secure we’ll be, and that I should be content to wait through the short time that comprises the rest of law school before enjoying some of the better, more exciting, more fun things in life. In my head, I know that extra money (when we have it), goes toward our mortgage so we can pay our house off sooner, and occasionally goes toward our one spending vice – basketball season tickets.

But my heart is a completely different story. This past weekend proves it. What happened? We went to a wedding. Not just any wedding – the wedding of one of Ducks’ high school friends to a girl who¬†went to college with us. And all my pea-green envy welled up inside me at every turn. Sitting in the reception that certainly cost far more than my salary for an entire year. Hearing some of Ducks’ other friends talk about their summer vacation to Guatemala. Checking out one of his high school friend’s fiancee’s engagement ring and zealously evaluating whether it measured up to mine (in case you’re wondering, the end conclusion was that mine is bigger). I even started feeling jealous over things that have NEVER bothered me before – over the fact that my mother-in-law doesn’t gush to people about how wonderful I am when she introduces me to people. Over the fact that I wasn’t wearing a $200 dress to the reception, but was instead wearing something I’ve worn to several weddings in the past.

I shouldn’t feel bad over these things, because we could afford to do them as well, if we used more loans instead of paying a large chunk of the tuition ourselves, if we accepted money from Ducks’ family educational trust (which he refuses to do), if we ran up our credit cards, or if we simply depleted our savings. We have other goals in mind and other ways we plan to spend our money, so it shouldn’t bother me. But sometimes it does, and that’s the honest truth.

Being surrounded by opulence at this weekend’s wedding (that should have been on Platinum Weddings) – from the enormous glassed-in ballroom at the top of a skyscraper overlooking their city, to the steak and swordfish dinner, to the open bar, to the cake that belonged on Ace of Cakes, to the bride’s dress, which probably could have fed a small village for a year, I felt like a peasant wandering outside Versailles. I wouldn’t have chosen that kind of wedding for myself, and I did have a lovely wedding of my own, which I wouldn’t trade. I just hated to think of my own wedding, my own husband, my own life, being evaluated and measured against what everyone else from this little clique was doing. Ducks is part of a group of four from high school who stick together and who are still good friends, attend/are in each others’ weddings whether they’re in rural Texas or in far away Wisconsin, call on each others’ birthdays, send each other weird movies and all that – I just don’t want to be measured up and found lacking in comparison with these other brides.

How do you stem the rising tides of jealousy and insecurity? Again, in my head, I know that I have the best of the four husbands/fiancees ūüėČ , so that should tip the scales in my favor. And he was extremely handsome this weekend in his seersucker suit, ladies.

(Left – one of the high school besties; right – Ducks!)

That should take the sting out of the bride’s $250 shoes, compared to my $25 (on sale) dress I wore to the grand event, shouldn’t it? (PS Natalie, I did wear the wrap I won on your blog contest!).

Do you guys get jealous? How do you deal with it?

Life’s Not Fair

Wondering Why…

Why do things happen?

Sad things. Worrisome things. Unfair things.

Obviously there’s no answer to those questions, other than just life.

One of my friends from college has a baby who is less than a year old and who has a brain tumor. So unfair. They are a wonderful couple, very kind, loving and giving. While we weren’t extremely close in college, we spent some time hanging out together afterward because we lived in the same town where her husband was attending law school.

Obviously life is not fair when sweet adorable babies have debilitating illnesses.

Closer to home, life is also unfair.

I think I’ve told you all how much I admire my mother-in-law. She’s one of those people that¬†I truly just look up to in awe. She teaches school, raised two upstanding sons, drives Meals on Wheels routes, stayed in Junior League five years past sustainer age, needlepoints exquisitely, runs marathons and does fitness boot camps for fun. She is the true picture of today’s accomplished woman, in my opinion.

Two years ago, she was diagnosed with fallopian tube/ovarian cancer and went through the rounds of surgery, the chemo, the hair loss, everything we associate with this horrible illness. In response, she didn’t wallow in her own misery. She started a Caring Bridge site that was honestly more inspiring than most other websites because she was so filled with hope and determination to beat cancer. She kept teaching on days when she wasn’t receiving chemo and she kept working out.

When the doctors told her a meat-based diet can be associated with recurrences of the disease, she immediately switched to being a vegan….and she never cheats.

I’m so proud of her, and that’s why things are so unfair.

In her latest scan, one cancerous lymph node was found. So, that means another round of surgery, another round of radiation and more treatments. Of course, we never see anything but the best side of everything, but how can she be so calm and accepting? I’m in tears just thinking about it.

And that’s why things are not fair. All we can do, all anyone can do, is trust in God, and hope and pray for the best. But still, life’s not fair, there are no guarantees and anything can happen to anyone at any time.

One thing to be thankful for is that – whatever happens to her, my mother-in-law has an inconquerable spirit, unshakeable faith and amazing fortitude and resiliency.

This is a picture of my in-laws that MD Anderson used in some of their awareness/promotion materials. I should say that my father-in-law has been there every step of the way and has supported her through this entire arduous journey. They are such good examples of a wonderful marriage and partnership.

You Know what they Say About Things Coming in Threes?

I must be guilty of the sin of hubris or something. I just now learned about hubris a few weeks ago, when I was in my Percy Jackson reading phase. Apparently, it’s extreme and unhealthy pride. That’s the only way I can explain the things that have been happening lately.

You’ve all been reading my blog complaints about this week and now I have another one to add. Or, as my friend H would say, the other shoe has finally dropped.

You know how things seem to happen in threes? Let’s go over the three recent happenings, all of which have involved items I prize very much.

1) My car decal gets stolen.

2) My oven is covered with exploding goo.

3) My iPhone is murdered.

Yep, the third bad thing happened. The iPhone was killed. I was driving home from a trip to Costco to get more rice – we finished the 15-pound bag we bought in August finally. When I got into my car after my little jaunt to the much-depised (by me) warehouse store, I reached for my purse to grab my phone. And it – with a complete mind of its own- did this super-acrobatic flip and landed directly into a cup of water I had put in the cupholder.

That’s apparently what happens when you try to be healthy and work extra hydration into your routine.

So, now, my phone is reclining in a bowl of rice – isn’t it fortuitous that I had just purchased some since it’s one of the potential ways to dry out a phone? – and I am phoneless. And I absolutely refuse to get a new one. Ducks is insisting that I can’t be phoneless, but I am so mad at myself for this happening.

And, I think it’s a sign of my hubris that all these things keep happening to items I particularly prize, like my too-expensive car, my best brownie recipe and my iPhone.

My in-laws also use AT&T, so I’m hoping they have an extra phone lying around and can send me. Because right now, I’m feeling totally bereft of technology. In fact, if I needed something and couldn’t get in touch with Ducks, I’d be completely out of luck, because he’s the only person within a 200-mile radius whose phone number I have memorized.

And, let’s don’t forget, AT&T gouges you to death if you have something happen to your phone. The very cheapest phone on their site is $150 unless you’re eligible for upgrade. Yikes – pain to the law school budget!

At least, perhaps I can look forward to three¬†good things happening to balance this out. Let’s daydream about that, shall we?

PS I promise to stop complaining for at least an entire week and post only blog posts filled with sunshine and happiness! ūüôā

DOOM to Vandalizers

So I realize my blog has been full of complaints lately. But, instead of giving you a cheerful post, I’m going to complain again.

SOMEONE RIPPED THE DECAL/LOGO OFF THE FRONT OF MY CAR!

Grr. Argggh. $($$#$^&(@)!.

Why would someone do something like that? What good does it do them? I doubt there’s a black market for car decals. But, in order to make my car look NOT ugly and tacky, I’ll have to pay $30. And there are so many other things $30 could be used for than making this look decent.

It’s just my pride that hurts. I like having a “nice,” socially acceptable car (even though I have not taken it to the car wash to clean bird poo off it….I still love it). But….grr. Whoever did this, I’m really angry with you. Really, really angry with you.

(PS I was going to post a picture but I couldn’t get it to send from my phone. Grr.)

The Thing about Taking a Break…

Sigh.

Of course, wouldn’t you know the week of our break I would get sick?!

Sigh.

Dislike.

Boo.

It’s just a cold, but it’s making me really unhappy. I don’t want to be sick. I want to have fun. I want¬†to do productive things around my house. I¬†want¬†to accomplish a lot of things, none of which coincide with coughing up my lungs or blowing my nose copiously¬†(on a sidenote: do you know if it’s a good time to plant tomatoes? I’m directing this mainly to Abbey, our resident horticulturist). ALSO, I have to go to a hockey game tomorrow – my first- EVER hockey game. And how in the world can I go to a hockey game if I don’t have a voice for screaming? That’s an obvious prerequisite.

But anyway, NOW, I’ve got to come up with ways to diagnose myself and enact a very, very fast cure. I’m thinking perhaps a hot shower and some Chinese food. That sounds like an excellent cure, wouldn’t you say?