Category Archives: Husband Love

The [Second] First Day of School

So, this year, I didn’t chase Ducks out to the car to take his picture (which, last year, he strenuously avoided). But here’s what I did do – the preparations were by far on Sunday, rather than Monday morning:

– Made two casserole type things (one Weight Watchers baked ziti, one beans and rice) and used every Tupperware container we own to package them up. Ducks has a night class on Mondays and Wednesdays now, which means two days, at least, where he needs two meals for the day.

– Baked banana oatmeal muffins, so there are quick, healthy breakfasts and snacks available.

– Hole punched and bound syllabi and outlines.

– Reorganized our little home office.

– Carried 5,000 books up to campus to put everything into Ducks’ carrel 

– Packed a lunch for him so he could grab it out of the refrigerator in the morning and just head out to his 8 a.m. class.

– Monitored the registration schedule assiduously to try to get him into a class that works better with his finals schedule.

So, basically, where the 1L year is lots of nerves and excitement and anticipation, the 2L year is more of a checklist – “Did you remember this? Did you sign up for that? Did you get your oil changed so you don’t have to take time out of your school schedule to do that later in the semester? Did you remember to take off Sept. 2 from work so we can go to the first BU game?”

However, I do have to tell you the one thing I did last night that could have tremendous ramifications. I discovered Crock Pot oatmeal. People, this is a life-changer. At our house, we have an ongoing war against cereal. I hate buying it because it’s expensive and because my husband eats like 4 boxes in a week. And he doesn’t eat Cheerios or corn flakes. Oh no, that’s far too peasant-ish for him. He eats this stuff:

And it’s not cheap. So, I have instituted an oatmeal regime. But he complains regularly about oatmeal not only being less delicious, but also taking more time to prepare and eat. Voila – crock pot oatmeal.

I made it with regular rolled oats today, but I understand steel cut oats are better, so when I get some, I’ll post pictures and all that of this super-easy breakfast goodness.

Hope your first days of school, or just your Mondays, are off to a fantastical start! 🙂

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The Green-Eyed Monster

And I’m not talking about Ducks, although he does have really excellent green eyes.

I’m talking about jealousy.

Jealousy and covetousness are my biggest failings, I think; definitely the areas I need to work on most. I’ve always been a little insecure, and I think law school has exacerbated this situation.

It’s really a head vs. heart battle. In my head, I know that we’re doing the right things – paying as much as we can toward law school and taking out as few loans as possible. Before school started (while Ducks was still working), we paid off both our vehicles, and we don’t accumulate any credit card debt. We pay our cards off in full every month without dipping in to our savings, even though that means we may have to miss out on expensive dinners out and glamorous date nights. So, in my head, I know I should be proud of our accomplishments, that I should look to the future and how financially secure we’ll be, and that I should be content to wait through the short time that comprises the rest of law school before enjoying some of the better, more exciting, more fun things in life. In my head, I know that extra money (when we have it), goes toward our mortgage so we can pay our house off sooner, and occasionally goes toward our one spending vice – basketball season tickets.

But my heart is a completely different story. This past weekend proves it. What happened? We went to a wedding. Not just any wedding – the wedding of one of Ducks’ high school friends to a girl who went to college with us. And all my pea-green envy welled up inside me at every turn. Sitting in the reception that certainly cost far more than my salary for an entire year. Hearing some of Ducks’ other friends talk about their summer vacation to Guatemala. Checking out one of his high school friend’s fiancee’s engagement ring and zealously evaluating whether it measured up to mine (in case you’re wondering, the end conclusion was that mine is bigger). I even started feeling jealous over things that have NEVER bothered me before – over the fact that my mother-in-law doesn’t gush to people about how wonderful I am when she introduces me to people. Over the fact that I wasn’t wearing a $200 dress to the reception, but was instead wearing something I’ve worn to several weddings in the past.

I shouldn’t feel bad over these things, because we could afford to do them as well, if we used more loans instead of paying a large chunk of the tuition ourselves, if we accepted money from Ducks’ family educational trust (which he refuses to do), if we ran up our credit cards, or if we simply depleted our savings. We have other goals in mind and other ways we plan to spend our money, so it shouldn’t bother me. But sometimes it does, and that’s the honest truth.

Being surrounded by opulence at this weekend’s wedding (that should have been on Platinum Weddings) – from the enormous glassed-in ballroom at the top of a skyscraper overlooking their city, to the steak and swordfish dinner, to the open bar, to the cake that belonged on Ace of Cakes, to the bride’s dress, which probably could have fed a small village for a year, I felt like a peasant wandering outside Versailles. I wouldn’t have chosen that kind of wedding for myself, and I did have a lovely wedding of my own, which I wouldn’t trade. I just hated to think of my own wedding, my own husband, my own life, being evaluated and measured against what everyone else from this little clique was doing. Ducks is part of a group of four from high school who stick together and who are still good friends, attend/are in each others’ weddings whether they’re in rural Texas or in far away Wisconsin, call on each others’ birthdays, send each other weird movies and all that – I just don’t want to be measured up and found lacking in comparison with these other brides.

How do you stem the rising tides of jealousy and insecurity? Again, in my head, I know that I have the best of the four husbands/fiancees 😉 , so that should tip the scales in my favor. And he was extremely handsome this weekend in his seersucker suit, ladies.

(Left – one of the high school besties; right – Ducks!)

That should take the sting out of the bride’s $250 shoes, compared to my $25 (on sale) dress I wore to the grand event, shouldn’t it? (PS Natalie, I did wear the wrap I won on your blog contest!).

Do you guys get jealous? How do you deal with it?

1L Finals …. Part Deux

“Are you glad to have him back?”

That’s the question I keep hearing, now that we’re actually out of the last round of 1L finals. The answer, of course, is a resounding yes.

But, for the sake of posterity, and by posterity, I mean future wives and girlfriends, I’ll tell you a bit about the second round of law school finals.

First, they seemed interminably long. Really, truly ridiculously long. I guess part of that is because of my husband’s studious nature. He basically put himself on lockdown for a month before finals, only taking breaks to go to the gym. During the Fall 2010 finals, it was a little different because he would take time off to watch college basketball. This spring semester, though, had no distractions ripe enough to draw him from his books.

Second, I think it’s unfair that finals are both right around holidays. Easter and Thanksgiving are non-entities with law school finals. Basically they meant making a nice meal, spending about 20 minutes together while he ate, then parting ways again as he went into the studious abyss.

Third, these finals were a lot less stressful.  Last year, the research and writing memo completion ran right up against finals study time. This year, there was a little more time, but that wasn’t the reason for the slight relief. I think the biggest thing was just that we knew what the whole finals routine was. We were prepared, and he was even more confident than last fall.

Fourth, there was a break to look forward to. Between me and Ducks’ new boss, we convinced him that a break was required. Last Christmas, he went back to work and worked the entire break. Then, during spring break he studied the entire time. But the new boss said that wasn’t going to be allowed – that he had to take two weeks off before going to work. So, I think knowing there was a breather up ahead was probably helpful as well.

I think always during finals it’s important to have a thick skin as a spouse. Not that Ducks has been crabby or upset or anything, just that it’s a stressful time. One of my failings is trying to make a big deal about something, like a nice dinner, then getting upset because I don’t feel that it’s been appreciated enough. Don’t do this. Find things to keep yourself busy, so that you don’t feel like you’re being ignored. 😉

I took over dishwasher duty again during finals so that he would have minimal distractions. Ducks really does like to help with chores, but I didn’t want him to have too much to worry about during the stressful time of the year.

So far, things are looking to turn out well. We’ll see – all the grades won’t be out for a while. But, tell me all about y’all’s finals experiences? How was it? Congrats on making it through!

PS I have an exciting guest post coming up this week! Yaaaaay!

Great Date

So, I’m ashamed to say I’m behind on the pretence of saying this is a legal blog and of talking about my husband’s actual attendance of law school (which, please, obviously it’s all about me). I’ll get to that this week, after wedding stuff is over. 😉

But, I will say, I love him not being in school. Last night, we just went out and had two cheap beers and just talked. It’s so nice to just get away from the house, to get away from the distractions of being in your normal environment. It forces you to talk about things. As Ducks said, “Things come up in conversation that never have come up before.” And, it’s true. When you are at home and have chores and TV and technology and separate interests to distract you, conversation can become peremptory. Just getting out can change your conversation, change your outlook and just be refreshing. And, I learned something very new and interesting about my husband. In fourth grade, he begged and pleaded until he got this for Christmas.

To which I said, “WHAT?! I thought you were MFFL!?!”

There’s no telling what you might learn on a date night, obviously even to the point of discovering your husband once wore a turquoise and lavender parka. I heartily recommend it. 😉

The One I Did Marry

Today is mine and Ducks’ three-year wedding anniversary. I found this great list/questionnaire on The Fabulous Life of a Coach’s Wife, and I decided that I wanted to do something like this for our three years as well, just to let you know a bit about our relationship outside of law school and my self-focused ramblings. 🙂

How long have you been together?

Eight years! Unbelievable. It seems so bizarre that it’s been so long. We’ve been married three of those years, which is also unbelievable, but they’ve all been wonderful.  

How long did you know each other before you started dating?

We had met a couple of times during our first semester of college. The second semester, we started hanging out together, eating lunch together at school, etc., before the fateful day when I tricked him into dating me.

How old are each of you?

Ducks – 27. Me – 26 for a few more months! 🙂

Whose siblings do/did you see the most?

Mine. He has only one brother and he lives about seven hours away. Plus, my sisters go to college at our alma mater, so we’re always up there for games and such (as you all know). Oh, and plus, my sister lives with us now, so we see her daily.

Do you have any children together?

Nope, waiting to finish up law school and visit two more foreign countries before any babies make their appearances. However, we do want at least two kids and a puppy. 😉

What about pets?

Yep, we really want to get a dog, but we’re afraid we’re too busy to be good puppy parents.

♥ Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?

Just having enough time to be together. We’re always running around with lots of things going on, plus law school is a big strain. With so much time devoted to studying, especially at this time of the year, it’s difficult to

You’d think that spending less time together would lead to less fighting, but sometimes nerves get frayed and we end up bickering during the little time we have together.

Did you go to the same school?

Same college. We met there our freshman year through mutual friends.

♥ Are you from the same home town?

Nope, he’s a big-city kid, while I grew up way out in the country.

Who is the most sensitive?

Depends. He gets annoyed by little things in life, while I’m quick to cry over something like Cappie telling Casey when he first fell in love with her.

Where do you eat out most as a couple?

Since we live in a city that’s well-known for its food, it would probably be good for me to say some kind of Mexican restaurant. However, we probably fall back on Olive Garden fairly often, because Ducks loves it. Also, Sonic because it’s just down the block from us.

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?

Lovely Venice as part of our honeymoon. It was unbelievable (all of Italy was, really). Hoping that the next big trip will be to Greece or England as our end-of-law-school celebration (the pic is from our honeymoon gondola ride!)!

Who has the worst temper?

Me. He’s very polite and WASP-y and a sarcastic comment is typically a high level of anger for him. For me, however, I end up getting frustrated or stressed and being a mean wife all the time. It’s funny how we take things out on those we love most.

Who does the cooking?

Me. But, the nice thing is – he usually helps out with the dishes afterwards. What a winning partnership! 🙂

Who is more social?

Me. He’s better at making plans, but I’m better at making conversation. I guess that makes us a perfect pair, hmm?

Who is the neat-freak?

It’s certainly neither of us. Now that we’re living in a “real” house, I stay on top of chores and such, but if we both lived just as we’d like, we’d be a pair of sloppy piglets and eat pizza in bed every day.

Who is the more stubborn?

Oh, that’s definitely him. And he would stubbornly deny it if he knew I said that.

Who hogs the bed?

Ducks. He loves to stretch all the way across both sides of the bed. He’s like a human starfish or something.

Who wakes up earlier?

I wish we were both early risers. However, we’re usually both scrambling out of bed at 10 til 6. I’m not sure how to combat this, either.

Where was your first date?

We were studying together with another girl and kind of had this flirty vibe going. So, when he suggested getting a Glacier (like a Dairy Queen Blizzard), I jumped at the chance to get away and get to know each other better!

Who has the bigger family?

Definitely me. We’re like my Big Fat Greek Wedding. I have the huge, outgoing crazy family. He has the small WASP-y family, the kind that could have a family reunion in a broom closet.

Do you get flowers often?
I used to get them fairly often, but the flowers are kind of on a law school hiatus. I usually get flowers on every anniversary, as well as some of the little-things types of anniversaries, like  50 months together or a half-anniversary.

(these are some he sent me a few years ago – when I still worked at my old job. I love the colors!)

How do you spend the holidays?

It depends. Thanksgiving and Easter are so close to finals – and such short holidays – that we end up spending those alone. For Christmas, we split them between our two families.

♥ How long did it take to get serious?

Less than a month, I suppose, once we started talking. We started hanging out on a pretty regular basis, then declared ourselves to be official at Sonic one fateful night. 😉

Who does the laundry?

I do now. For a while, it was his chore. But, when the laundry started piling up, I started doing it in self-defense.

My List

 

I’ve just been finding all kinds of new bloggers that I love lately. Another one is Amy, from Sweet Home Amy. She wrote a tongue-in-cheek list of her ideas for a future husband, and it made me think about my ideas for what I wanted in a husband before I met the lovely Ducks. 😉

Here’s my list, carefully preserved from 8+ years ago.

1) Over 6 feet 

3) Dark hair

3) Light eyes – Blue preferred

4) Likes sports

5) Plays baseball

6) Named Will

7) Can peel fruit all in one piece

8) Good at crossword puzzles

9) Somewhere between financially comfortable and wealthy (especially with money to travel and do fun things)

10) Lawyer or professional athlete (yeah, kind of crazy and disparate ambitions there, right?)

11) Likes green

12) Christian

13) Someone who has some associations with the number 12, my lucky number

14) Hasn’t been around too much

15) Graduated college

So, this is what I wished for, and I got almost every single bit of it (and, honestly, I like green eyes better!).

A Letter to Me

Tangles, one of my new favorite blogger girls, did this earlier this week, and I decided to steal it from her. She wrote, a la Brad Paisley, a letter of things she’d tell herself if she could write  to her younger self.

Things to tell my 13-year-old self:

– That girl that’s so mean to you? She’ll move away in two years and then everyone will find out she’s pregnant.

– I hate to break it to you, but you’re not going to marry Prince William. So, that folder of newspaper clippings about him, and those imaginary letters you wrote him – they were kind of a waste of time. But you’ll marry someone even better, so don’t worry.

– Don’t cry about your relationship with your mom. It’s not going to get any better. It will take you years to realize this.

– You are pretty. Don’t worry about your looks.

– In high school, don’t think you are fat and don’t listen to your mom. In a few years, you’ll look back at pictures and realize of how great you look. Your friends will even tell you that you look “frail” (which isn’t really true, but that’s why you love them).

– Your sophomore year, you’ll have a little crush on B. Your junior year, he’ll tell you that he had a BIG crush on you the whole previous year. You might want to try to both get over your shyness.

– Don’t worry, though, about not having a boyfriend, because in five years, you’ll meet the man of your dreams and you’ll end up marrying him. And, seriously, he’s so handsome.

– Don’t let your mom talk you out of going to UIL district competition because the sixth place you got in the last meet “wasn’t good enough.” It’ll embarrass you and make your teachers mad.

– DON’T GET BANGS. You decide to get them when you’re 15 and you hate them and have to pin them back for MONTHS.

– Demand your privacy. Your mom will do her best to take over your life, not just by controlling you, but by doing psycho things like hijacking your IM name and pretending to be you, writing stupid things to your friends, then yelling at you when you cry and beg for control over your own online persona.

– Don’t hide in the bowling alley bathroom when the British guy you met wants to talk to you. You probably hurt his feelings, and it’s not his fault that you don’t like him.

– Again, don’t worry about boys. You’re going to spend WAY too much time on this, and it’s not worth it.

– When your childhood friend teases you about the college you want to go to and how bad their football program is, just smile serenely. He’ll end up going there at the same time as you (and the football program will get better).

– Spend more time with Jared. You’ve known his since kindergarten, and you don’t know it now, but you’ll only have four more years to be friends.

– Don’t let your fear of your mother’s irrational anger keep you from participating in school and church activities. She just can’t stand anyone being happy.

– That guy that likes you at camp – he has a girlfriend back at home. Don’t trust him.

– Keep exercising and stay fit. Do this EVERY DAY.

– Stay friends with the people from your freshman year. Except psycho Lauren. You should not have been friends with her to begin with.

– Stay in better touch with your high school friends.

– When you meet a cute guy at the racquetball courts, you should probably ask him out. At least, you should probably talk to him instead of his other friend who’s there. You’ll end up going out in a couple of months anyway.

– Have a little more of a sense of self. Don’t get so wrapped up in your boyfriend, even though you love him.

– Definitely go back to campus three days early your sophomore year. Those days are AWESOME.

– Don’t live with the girls you live with sophomore year (except your best friend – she’ll make it bearable). They are mean, self-righteous b*tches and their passive-aggressive ways will make you miserable.

– Don’t invite your parents to come to your sorority presentation. Your mom will embarrass you in front of everyone by acting like a complete jerk.

– Take up for your friend M in the doughnut incident. It’ll be a really, really, really stupid day and stupid girl fight, but you’ll feel better if you defend her instead of saying nothing.

– When you have your big Halloween party with your roommates, don’t get intoxicated and tell all Ducks’ fraternity brothers you’re going to break up with him because he wouldn’t wake up and come over.

– Be nicer, in general, to Ducks. Don’t tease or make fun of him just for the sake of other people thinking you’re funny. He’s too wonderful for that.

– Don’t waste time on the LSAT. You’re going to study for it for months, then take it and decide not to go to law school. Total waste.

– Dress super cute on August 12, 2007. You’re getting engaged that day. And the ring is REALLY good. 🙂

– When you’re in the airport in Germany, keep your eyes on your suitcase at all times. Otherwise, you’re going to end up without any of your cute honeymoon clothes for two weeks in Italy.

– Don’t be a brat once you’re married. And, go ahead and quit your job so that you and Ducks can live together when you’re married (you actually won’t follow my advice on this).

– Save more money.

– Don’t let your first job consume your life. You need to have friends and do social activities, not work 60 hours a week.

– Don’t buy Ducks a dog “as a surprise.”

– When you get sad and you cry because you don’t like your life (you’ll do this a lot in junior high and high school), don’t worry. It gets really awesome in the future. Like, really, really awesome.

What advice would you give yourself if you could write a letter to yourself? 🙂