Category Archives: Whining

The Green-Eyed Monster

And I’m not talking about Ducks, although he does have really excellent green eyes.

I’m talking about jealousy.

Jealousy and covetousness are my biggest failings, I think; definitely the areas I need to work on most. I’ve always been a little insecure, and I think law school has exacerbated this situation.

It’s really a head vs. heart battle. In my head, I know that we’re doing the right things – paying as much as we can toward law school and taking out as few loans as possible. Before school started (while Ducks was still working), we paid off both our vehicles, and we don’t accumulate any credit card debt. We pay our cards off in full every month without dipping in to our savings, even though that means we may have to miss out on expensive dinners out and glamorous date nights. So, in my head, I know I should be proud of our accomplishments, that I should look to the future and how financially secure we’ll be, and that I should be content to wait through the short time that comprises the rest of law school before enjoying some of the better, more exciting, more fun things in life. In my head, I know that extra money (when we have it), goes toward our mortgage so we can pay our house off sooner, and occasionally goes toward our one spending vice – basketball season tickets.

But my heart is a completely different story. This past weekend proves it. What happened? We went to a wedding. Not just any wedding – the wedding of one of Ducks’ high school friends to a girl who went to college with us. And all my pea-green envy welled up inside me at every turn. Sitting in the reception that certainly cost far more than my salary for an entire year. Hearing some of Ducks’ other friends talk about their summer vacation to Guatemala. Checking out one of his high school friend’s fiancee’s engagement ring and zealously evaluating whether it measured up to mine (in case you’re wondering, the end conclusion was that mine is bigger). I even started feeling jealous over things that have NEVER bothered me before – over the fact that my mother-in-law doesn’t gush to people about how wonderful I am when she introduces me to people. Over the fact that I wasn’t wearing a $200 dress to the reception, but was instead wearing something I’ve worn to several weddings in the past.

I shouldn’t feel bad over these things, because we could afford to do them as well, if we used more loans instead of paying a large chunk of the tuition ourselves, if we accepted money from Ducks’ family educational trust (which he refuses to do), if we ran up our credit cards, or if we simply depleted our savings. We have other goals in mind and other ways we plan to spend our money, so it shouldn’t bother me. But sometimes it does, and that’s the honest truth.

Being surrounded by opulence at this weekend’s wedding (that should have been on Platinum Weddings) – from the enormous glassed-in ballroom at the top of a skyscraper overlooking their city, to the steak and swordfish dinner, to the open bar, to the cake that belonged on Ace of Cakes, to the bride’s dress, which probably could have fed a small village for a year, I felt like a peasant wandering outside Versailles. I wouldn’t have chosen that kind of wedding for myself, and I did have a lovely wedding of my own, which I wouldn’t trade. I just hated to think of my own wedding, my own husband, my own life, being evaluated and measured against what everyone else from this little clique was doing. Ducks is part of a group of four from high school who stick together and who are still good friends, attend/are in each others’ weddings whether they’re in rural Texas or in far away Wisconsin, call on each others’ birthdays, send each other weird movies and all that – I just don’t want to be measured up and found lacking in comparison with these other brides.

How do you stem the rising tides of jealousy and insecurity? Again, in my head, I know that I have the best of the four husbands/fiancees 😉 , so that should tip the scales in my favor. And he was extremely handsome this weekend in his seersucker suit, ladies.

(Left – one of the high school besties; right – Ducks!)

That should take the sting out of the bride’s $250 shoes, compared to my $25 (on sale) dress I wore to the grand event, shouldn’t it? (PS Natalie, I did wear the wrap I won on your blog contest!).

Do you guys get jealous? How do you deal with it?

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With These Things I’ll Never Say

Things I Sometimes Want to Tell People in My Life: Edition One.

Have you ever just really, really wanted to tell someone something, but you hold it in? I feel like I spend half my life doing this. So, I thought I’d share some of the things that I keep inside, out of politeness, propriety and a sense of being a good example and not a holy terror to those around me.

I keep from saying them, and one day (like the mom on Little Women), I’ll keep myself from feeling/thinking them as well. These are specific things that I would actually say with real-life people in mind. Most of them are not that nice, so I guess it’s the better part of valor that I don’t actually say them and just make you read them instead.  😉

1) Just stop talking. (I actually use this one on Ducks semi-often, but would like to say it to others fairly regularly too).

2) You’re not my boss, so stop acting like you are.

3) Leave me alone. I’m trying to work.

4) I don’t care about your three-week, four-country European vacation and how you suffered because it was JUST TOO LONG and there was too much bread and too much gelato.

5) Take off those fake eyelashes, for the love of all that is holy! You’re not fooling anyone.

6) Believe in yourself – stop being so shy.

7) Just eat a sandwich already! You weigh 95 pounds – you are NOT fat.

8) When you use so much bad language, it’s unladylike.

9) I don’t call you every day because you keep me on the phone for 80 minutes when I do.

10) I really want to be your friend, but I’m afraid I’m not cool enough.

11) STOP CLIPPING YOUR NAILS AT YOUR DESK!

12) Stop eating tuna at your desk!

13) No, I will not come listen to your band. I’d rather sit in a room with an angry Bob Knight and 50 chairs.

14) Please stop parking in front of our house.

14 1/2) Please stop making a huge deal about it when people park in front of our house.

15) I hate when you go to sleep at 8 p.m. (okay, I actually do say that one, too. It’s easy to see which ones are Ducks-related)

16) This is a great company, but don’t expect me to stay here for 25 years, just because other people do.

17) I’d really like it if you would marry my sister. 🙂 She’ll get over the fact that you’re a ginger.

18) Sometimes I get sick of hearing about sports.

19) I am not my sister’s keeper. She’s an adult, so don’t call me – call her.

What kinds of things do you want to say? Do you have anything that irks you that you just keep inside? Or, are you all perfect beings without a malicious thought in your heads (Abbey probably qualifies for the last one, as she’s one of the best role models and testimonies that I know. 🙂 ).

You Know what they Say About Things Coming in Threes?

I must be guilty of the sin of hubris or something. I just now learned about hubris a few weeks ago, when I was in my Percy Jackson reading phase. Apparently, it’s extreme and unhealthy pride. That’s the only way I can explain the things that have been happening lately.

You’ve all been reading my blog complaints about this week and now I have another one to add. Or, as my friend H would say, the other shoe has finally dropped.

You know how things seem to happen in threes? Let’s go over the three recent happenings, all of which have involved items I prize very much.

1) My car decal gets stolen.

2) My oven is covered with exploding goo.

3) My iPhone is murdered.

Yep, the third bad thing happened. The iPhone was killed. I was driving home from a trip to Costco to get more rice – we finished the 15-pound bag we bought in August finally. When I got into my car after my little jaunt to the much-depised (by me) warehouse store, I reached for my purse to grab my phone. And it – with a complete mind of its own- did this super-acrobatic flip and landed directly into a cup of water I had put in the cupholder.

That’s apparently what happens when you try to be healthy and work extra hydration into your routine.

So, now, my phone is reclining in a bowl of rice – isn’t it fortuitous that I had just purchased some since it’s one of the potential ways to dry out a phone? – and I am phoneless. And I absolutely refuse to get a new one. Ducks is insisting that I can’t be phoneless, but I am so mad at myself for this happening.

And, I think it’s a sign of my hubris that all these things keep happening to items I particularly prize, like my too-expensive car, my best brownie recipe and my iPhone.

My in-laws also use AT&T, so I’m hoping they have an extra phone lying around and can send me. Because right now, I’m feeling totally bereft of technology. In fact, if I needed something and couldn’t get in touch with Ducks, I’d be completely out of luck, because he’s the only person within a 200-mile radius whose phone number I have memorized.

And, let’s don’t forget, AT&T gouges you to death if you have something happen to your phone. The very cheapest phone on their site is $150 unless you’re eligible for upgrade. Yikes – pain to the law school budget!

At least, perhaps I can look forward to three good things happening to balance this out. Let’s daydream about that, shall we?

PS I promise to stop complaining for at least an entire week and post only blog posts filled with sunshine and happiness! 🙂

Warning: Whining and Complaining Ahead

Sigh.

We were really hoping to go on a vacation this year. We wanted to go to Boston because I’ve never been there, but I don’t think it’s going to work out.

Sigh.

With Ducks doing the internship this summer rather than going back to his previous job, we’re not going to have the discretionary funds available for a big trip, and airfare to Boston is just too expensive (it’s sucky living in a city that pretty much only does connecting flights, thus tremendously increasingly travel costs). Of course, we’re really thankful for the internship and we know it will pay off in the long run, but it’s not as much money as he would have otherwise been making this summer.

I’m trying not to get depressed because I really wanted to take a vacation this year, but it’s hard! We’ve also got several weddings coming up, which will mean mini-trips and bridesmaid/groomsman expenses and gifts, etc., etc. And, we did buy the new bed, which was actually none of the pictures that I showed you. Of course, when we went shopping again, we decided we loved a competely different one (will post more on this later).

So, long story short … law school means delaying fun. This is one reason why I really want to wait to have kids until at least two or three years after law school (when I’ll be in my 30s….wow), because I want to have some time to have fun and be able to do things. I hate the feeling of just delaying and delaying. Before law school, we did have the most wonderful honeymoon, and then we went to Chicago last summer, but there are so many other trips I want to take.

Sigh.

I guess I’ll just leave the vacation fund alone and let it continue to slowly accrue money. At least, maybe, when we finally get to the end of law school, we can go on an awesome celebratory trip.

Sorry for sounding so whiny and spoiled! I feel like a brat complaining about not being able to go on vacation when there are so many other more important issues going on in the world.

But still, any ideas on what we could do to spend a couple of days having fun economically?

The Thing about Taking a Break…

Sigh.

Of course, wouldn’t you know the week of our break I would get sick?!

Sigh.

Dislike.

Boo.

It’s just a cold, but it’s making me really unhappy. I don’t want to be sick. I want to have fun. I want to do productive things around my house. I want to accomplish a lot of things, none of which coincide with coughing up my lungs or blowing my nose copiously (on a sidenote: do you know if it’s a good time to plant tomatoes? I’m directing this mainly to Abbey, our resident horticulturist). ALSO, I have to go to a hockey game tomorrow – my first- EVER hockey game. And how in the world can I go to a hockey game if I don’t have a voice for screaming? That’s an obvious prerequisite.

But anyway, NOW, I’ve got to come up with ways to diagnose myself and enact a very, very fast cure. I’m thinking perhaps a hot shower and some Chinese food. That sounds like an excellent cure, wouldn’t you say?

Fatigue Setting In

Fatigute is setting in, but there’s a little hope in this situation. Right now, it’s a little after 5 p.m. in Moscow. Those Russians are getting to kick back with a frozen vodka and hang up their fur hat things.

It can’t come soon enough here – and that’s all I have to say. This week is making me a cranky, unpleasant hag to be around.

Have you ever noticed that when you’re tired, the person who suffers most is your significant other? I have pretty much been full-out crazy and mean to poor Ducks in the two days that I’ve been home from my lobbying trip this week. Why? Because I’ve been working extremely hard and am drained so I’m taking it out on him instead of just sleeping or eating a bunch of chocolate, which would be two better solutions.

It’s not really fair to him because he’s having a tough week too – a midterm and a brief due. But, who said that crazy-woman-exhaustion-syndrome is reasonable or fair?

But, never fear, people – we are literally just hours away from the weekend (sorry to you west coasters like Ginger and Natalie – you have a little farther to go). Here’s to restoring a little sanity and having a little fun during the next two days.

A Valentine’s Rant

((( Note: posting a couple of days post-V-Day, thanks to certain hotel chains that want to egregiously charge for internet. )))

What’s love got to do with it?

I don’t want to be one of those Valentine’s naysayers, but I think I’m going to have to be.

Actually, that’s not even correct. I’m not a naysayer of Valentine’s. I’m a naysayer of people who complain about Valentine’s.

I’m out of town for work this week and so I’m not spending Valentine’s Day with Ducks. But, guess what? We’re both okay with that, because it’s just a day. Sure, it’s nice to recognize it, but what’s not nice is to make the holiday into an ambush.

I’ve definitely been guilty of this in the past. In fact, as I was driving up to the Capitol City (which is where I’m working today), I was thinking about what an emotional basketcase I was when Ducks and I were dating in college, and how if he’d had any sense whatsoever, he would have kicked me to the curb about six years ago! Why? Because I was always crying, or having a temper tantrum or setting him up for arguments. And why did I do all these crazy things? Because I was emulating what society sets up for us as a reasonable way of life – that women should act difficult and test men by saying things like, “Oh, let’s just not celebrate Valentine’s this year,” then freaking out and getting emotional when the man ACTUALLY TAKES WHAT YOU SAY AT FACE VALUE.

So, why am I Valen-grinching today? I don’t know. I guess because I don’t want to see people’s silly Facebook statuses about “how dare their husband book a lunch meeting at work on Valentine’s Day when they’re not going to be able to go out to dinner tonight?” Well, maybe your husband did that because IT’S HIS JOB.

I’m all for romance, and loving gestures, and consideration, and, yes, for dinners out and candy and flowers and whatever else – but it needs to be from love, not from obligation, or the whole thing’s worthless, right?

But, anyway, I still love a box of chocolate or a bottle of champagne as much as the next girl – I just hope I’ve grown out of guilting someone into buying something I’m perfectly capable of purchasing myself if it’s such a big deal.

Am I right, or am I just being a crab because I’m typing this while I’m lying on a hotel bed away from home and I’m begrudging everyone else their festivities? I don’t think that’s it, but willing to hear some perspectives. 😉

Sidenote: Got my Valentine from my daddy this weekend. He’s so good – he always remembers all his girls in some way. Love, love, love to him.