Category Archives: Wonderings

BFFs?

Okay, so here’s what I’ve been wondering lately. Ducks noted that we don’t have best friends. And it’s true. We have a lot of friends, but we don’t have anyone here in town that we can call our best friend couple, people who come over all the time, etc.

So, do you all have best friends? I assume a lot of people either:

1) Move back to the place they grew up and reunite with childhood friends

2) Move to an area where a lot of college friends live

3) Make friends through church

4) Make friends with their kids’ friends’ parents.

Am I right? For us, our interests are so disparate from the people who Ducks goes to school with – a lot of them fall into one category or another, either out hitting the bars around campus, sleeping with each other, etc. OR in a routine/rut like us and not too interested in being social. My friends from work live fairly far away (pitfalls of living in one of the largest cities in the nation from a geographical standpoint). And, then, during the school year, we just don’t live on the same schedule most of the time. Also, maybe I’m just not good at cultivating regular friendships? I remember in college a few times pretending to be asleep when friends would call so I wouldn’t have to go out. But, I also remember having a regular happy hour group and throwing parties and such. So, I don’t know.

The main thing is, I think, we want friends who are couples that we can do relaxed things with together. We can always get a group together for parties – I think we had about 40 – 50 people over for my birthday and had friends over for the Heisman ceremony (of course, I had to find a way to mention THAT on this blog!). We also have basketball or football watch parties sometimes.  It’s the regular, established, drop-in-anytime, oh-let’s-watch-TV-together friendship that I’m wondering about.

So, the question for today is – who are your friends? How did you meet them? Do you have a best-friend-couple that you hang out with all the time? Or is that not a very common occurrence and more likely to be relegated to sitcoms?

Hope you had a nice day (and that it was a holiday for most of you!).

Oh, hey, blog world…

So, I’m back. September went by in a blur. Yep, we have officially flipped the calendar to a new month. We launched several promotions at work to start Q4, so that was making me crazy and seriously cutting into my blog time.

But, the main reason why I’m back here today is because I have a dilemma, and of course, I dearly love publishing my moral dilemmas to the blog world.

How do you feel about profanity? That’s the question.

Here’s how I feel. I am not living in an ivory tower. I know that there are bad words floating around in the universe out there. I know that people use them regularly. I’m not opposed to using one myself every now and again, especially if I’m feeling emphatic about something (really, would Rhett Butler’s famous parting line really have sounded the same if he said, “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a hoot.” I think not). I don’t judge people solely on their use of profanity.

UNLESS…

It continually spews out of their mouths without rhyme or reason. I experienced this on Saturday. We were out watching a football game (and by that, I mean, come on, THROW THE BALL TO KENDALL WRIGHT IN THE FOURTH QUARTER! Now, that was a situation when profanity would have been useful) and my sister and a couple of friends came in.

And her friends were non-stop with the vulgarities, obscenities and profanities (which, is a very interesting distinction). They used every kind of inappropriate word you could think of, and all in the span of five minutes, and all at the very end of the game, with no relation to the football game whatsoever (they were just babbling and interrupting my viewing with ONE MINUTE LEFT in the fourth quarter). And it just irked me.

One of the friends had never met us before. Never laid eyes on us, didn’t know our names, didn’t know…honestly….whether we might be ministers or missionaries or someone else vehemently opposed to that kind of language (which then begs the question of what we were doing in a sports bar in the middle of the afternoon).

But listening to that kind of talk made me realize:

1)  People who indiscriminately use bad language don’t sound smart. At all.

2) If that’s what I sound like when I throw an occasional expletive into conversation for emphasis, then it makes me want to cut myself off altogether. I would say I only average about two expletives a week now, though – residual effects of being Baptist, I guess. 😉

But, am I just being prejudiced? Or Victorianly old-fashioned? How do you feel about this?

And, I’ve missed you guys. I hope everyone in the blog world is having a lovely start to fall. 🙂

How to Meet People

Okay, this is not a question for me. I have no trouble meeting people, and I also have more social engagements than I know what to do with lately (a far cry from when Ducks started school and I was wondering how to amuse myself without being in his presence every waking/non-working hour). But, this is not about me.

I’m asking for a friend.

My friend L wants to get married. Maybe that’s putting it bluntly, but it’s true. That’s what she really desires in life, among other things. Now, she’s not some psycho, one-dimensional, estrogen-exuding, biological-clock-ticking guy’s-worst-nightmare-a-la-Kate-Hudson-in-How-to-Lose-a-Guy-in-Ten-Days kind of girl. She’s just a regular, pretty, hard-working late 20s girl who’d like to meet someone, settle down, have children and all that jazz.

She’s not even that picky, and I don’t mean that in a bad way. Whereas I would have only wanted to marry someone with a college degree (sorry if that sounds snobby, but it’s true…unless they went straight from high school to the NBA or inventing computers or something), she doesn’t care. Her last serious relationship was with a firefighter (now, don’t get all fantasy-land on me, he was a ginormous JERK). Since then, she’s just had some bad luck. And, the worst thing is, she can’t figure out how in the world to meet people.

Maybe this is a peril of living in Texas, where everyone marries young, but there’s no one single/decent/not skankish among the guys we know. We can’t seem to come up with anyone from Ducks’ law school class; we don’t know anyone at work; and we can’t find anyone suitable really outside of that. Why is this? Seems like among our network of friends, we should be able to scrounge up at least a couple of upstanding single gentlemen?

What are your suggestions? Have any ideas on how she could meet people? Or why there seems to be a dearth of guys out there? Maybe the fact that we were invited to a very questionable bikini contest by one of Ducks’ law school friends is one indication of why – there are too many opportunities out there to find someone not-quite-so-nice to spend the evening with and to avoid commitment? Some of us girls (well, most of you who blog are in this category) snatch up and “train” the good guys when they’re younger, therefore leaving only the stragglers for our single friends (I’m kidding about this! Mostly.)?

 

With These Things I’ll Never Say

Things I Sometimes Want to Tell People in My Life: Edition One.

Have you ever just really, really wanted to tell someone something, but you hold it in? I feel like I spend half my life doing this. So, I thought I’d share some of the things that I keep inside, out of politeness, propriety and a sense of being a good example and not a holy terror to those around me.

I keep from saying them, and one day (like the mom on Little Women), I’ll keep myself from feeling/thinking them as well. These are specific things that I would actually say with real-life people in mind. Most of them are not that nice, so I guess it’s the better part of valor that I don’t actually say them and just make you read them instead.  😉

1) Just stop talking. (I actually use this one on Ducks semi-often, but would like to say it to others fairly regularly too).

2) You’re not my boss, so stop acting like you are.

3) Leave me alone. I’m trying to work.

4) I don’t care about your three-week, four-country European vacation and how you suffered because it was JUST TOO LONG and there was too much bread and too much gelato.

5) Take off those fake eyelashes, for the love of all that is holy! You’re not fooling anyone.

6) Believe in yourself – stop being so shy.

7) Just eat a sandwich already! You weigh 95 pounds – you are NOT fat.

8) When you use so much bad language, it’s unladylike.

9) I don’t call you every day because you keep me on the phone for 80 minutes when I do.

10) I really want to be your friend, but I’m afraid I’m not cool enough.

11) STOP CLIPPING YOUR NAILS AT YOUR DESK!

12) Stop eating tuna at your desk!

13) No, I will not come listen to your band. I’d rather sit in a room with an angry Bob Knight and 50 chairs.

14) Please stop parking in front of our house.

14 1/2) Please stop making a huge deal about it when people park in front of our house.

15) I hate when you go to sleep at 8 p.m. (okay, I actually do say that one, too. It’s easy to see which ones are Ducks-related)

16) This is a great company, but don’t expect me to stay here for 25 years, just because other people do.

17) I’d really like it if you would marry my sister. 🙂 She’ll get over the fact that you’re a ginger.

18) Sometimes I get sick of hearing about sports.

19) I am not my sister’s keeper. She’s an adult, so don’t call me – call her.

What kinds of things do you want to say? Do you have anything that irks you that you just keep inside? Or, are you all perfect beings without a malicious thought in your heads (Abbey probably qualifies for the last one, as she’s one of the best role models and testimonies that I know. 🙂 ).

Wondering about Wings (and Breasts)

This topic seems to come up regularly and is one that is sure to incite controversy.

Today is my friend’s son’s 13th birthday. She asked him and his besst friend where they wanted to go to lunch, and her son got embarassed and his friend blurted out, “He wants to go to Hooters!”

Well, she talked him into Cheesecake Factory instead, but it made me ponder this question. What should we do about the issue of the ever-increasing number of restaurants that encourage women to flaunt their bodies in exchange for tips? My friend’s son is only 13 and this type of restaurant is already a mecca and a destination to him. My old boss would take both her little girls (ages 8 and 1) there regularly, to the point that her 8-year-old would request to go there after her softball games, because, “The girls all run around and yell and you don’t have to use any manners. Also their fried pickles are good.”

My parents were at the other extreme of things. My mom wouldn’t even allow us to eat in a restaurant that served alcohol, much less where girls were running around in skimpy, double-entendred outfits. (Of course, when she discovered how good Olive Garden’s Steak Gorgonzola Alfredo was, she changed her tune).

When we went to the law firm party, one of the other clerks started talking very animatedly about this place that is apparently like “Mexican Hooters.” While the guys started discussing it, the boss turned to me and said, “We won’t take your husband to a place like that if you don’t approve.” Well, then, because I didn’t want to sound like a stick in the mud or make Ducks look “whipped,” I responded with something polite and in the affirmative that I didn’t make decisisons for him and that he could go. They haven’t gone, but I was surprised at myself for not standing up more for my convictions instead of buckling under and trying to be the “cool wife” in front of the office. I wonder if I would have responded the same way if they had been talking about taking my husband to a strip club instead, or if there’s a line where I would have been bold enough to stand up for my principles and opinions.

My opinion on it is this – I don’t like any of those types of restaurants. I think they devalue women and I think they make it okay for men to look at women as objects, servants to showcase their bodies, bring them food and pour them beer and let them act like pigs, all the while smiling, laughing and maintaining a cheerful attitude (something we wives can’t always compare with at home when work and domestic duties pile on the stress). There’s also a radio commercial for some wing restaurant, and I don’t even think it’s somwhere that serves wings and sex 😉 , that basically shows how miserable you could be at home with your wife nagging you, or how much fun you could be having around the corner attacking a mound of wings and receiving cheerful service from the local tavern wench.

However, there are many worse places my husband could go or where his coworkers could pressure him to visit, in all honesty, so a place where wings are served by girls in tight tank tops and pantyhose is not that bad in the scheme of things. My inclination is to say, “Don’t go,” but I wouldn’t be completely crushed if he did. You can see a lot more skin on a commercial, in a movie or at the beach, or even just logging on to your computer. The temptation’s always there for people who want to act on it. I will say, though, that I would never take my children there. I don’t want my daughters to think that’s the type of career they should aspire to, because men will make fools of themselves over them, and I don’t want my sons to think women are just objects for their gratification, instead of capable people who should be valued for both mind and body.

What are your thoughts?

Divorce Party

Okay, just a quick post to let you guys know I haven’t forgotten you…. 😉

And don’t worry, Ducks and I are not getting divorced.

One of my colleagues, a girl who is somewhere between acquaintance and friend, is having a party tonight. It should be simple to say, “Oh, I’ll be there,” right? After all, it involves margaritas on a patio – what’s not to love?

The thing that stops me from wanting to attend is this – it’s a “divorce party.”

She’s celebrating the finalization of her divorce paperwork, etc., and the fact that she’s single again. I don’t know how to feel about this. On one hand, she’s a very nice girl who is excited to start a new, and hopefully better, portion of her life. But, on the other hand, should we really celebrate the destruction of the institution of marriage?

It’s so hard to know about this kind of thing. Plus, I’m just a sociable kind of girl, so I feel badly about not showing up to things other people are hosting. (Oh, also, the annoying friends of my friend H are invited, and after Thing #1’s inappropriate attempts to dance with me and poke his finger into my bridesmaid’s dress cleavage area, I’m so NOT up for seeing him.)

What are your thoughts? Would you attend a divorce party? Is it right to have a divorce party? And would it be any different if it were a “new beginnings” party instead of a divorce party? Is it supporting a friend or supporting the dissolution of the institution of marriage?

Let’s Talk about Sex

Okay, actually, let’s talk about birth control (it’s all related, right?).

I want to know your opinions on it. More specifically, I want to know if anyone out there uses Seasonique. I went to the doctor for that lovely little thing called the annual visit yesterday. During our chat, I told her about my headaches, which, as you guys probably remember, are so severe that they cause me to be sick.

She suggested that I try Seasonique because of something having to do with low-dose hormones during the off-week, as well as the fact that headaches would be less frequent (once every three months, instead of every month). So, I said I’d try it and she gave me a sample pack. However, when I got home last night and started doing some research, I was alarmed that there seem to be quite a few side effects. I know that a lot of people say birth control makes you gain weight, but there were people posting about gaining 70 pounds on Seasonique! I know that can’t all be from the pill; some of it has to be lifestyle, but still….I don’t want to gain any weight.

I’d be really interested to hear what you all do about contraceptives. I know I’ve seen Natalie blog about her own journey to finding the right method. I’d like to hear what you guys do or have done, what pills you take (if you take them), what other methods you use and what side effects you’ve seen.

So, now that I’ve asked everyone to put their personal lives out there, happy Friday! Happy last day of finals here too! 🙂